Making Running Great Again

Oh hi, it's been awhile...

Basically this is how I've felt about running, races, and training in general going on almost 2 years:

Honestly I haven't really been running, I haven't been motivated to run, I haven't even been motivated to sign up for a race. I can probably list pages of excuses and some of them would be super good and convincing. Some could even pull on your heart strings a little or a lot. But that's not why I've dusted off the old blog.

It's almost too fitting that my last post was almost exactly 2 years ago. Showcasing a picture of me running Quad Rock in my unplanned telly-tubby outfit for the conditions. I looked back at some past posts and realized what a champion I was for getting out there and running despite [fill in the blank]. And here I sit, 2 years since I ran a marathon, a few months after some rather disappointing half marathons, and looking Quad Rock in the face.

I could dwell on why I didn't run seriously for so long, but that doesn't do much for me now.
I'd rather focus on motivation, what to do when you lose it, and my struggle to find it again.

It's not like one day you wake up a runner and the next day you wake up a couch potato. The opposite isn't true either. I don't remember when my motivation started to disappear because it wasn't a single event. It just became easier and easier each day to not run. Signing up for races is a big motivator and I could just as well say I didn't sign up for any races so it's hard to train when you're not training for anything. But in one case I actually signed up for a race, paid, and then didn't run it. Weeks went by where I promised myself I'd start next week, tomorrow, soon! Weeks went by and I didn't. I picked up some other outlets, signed up for more frisbee leagues, even loosely committed to a lifting/strength program I could do at home. I wasn't being lazy, I wasn't even getting that out of shape. But I was missing something, I knew it, I just didn't know how to get it back even though my running shoes (and there are a lot, for someone not running races I still managed to accumulate shoes) were sitting right there by the door.

In the past I've stressed finding a balance between running and life. Don't let it take over, but also don't let it be something so easily replaced. In the present, I've been consumed with the guilt of not doing this thing I supposedly love to do (and write about) and not sure how to over come it. As I work my way back into running I am digging deep for some motivation. It was so much easier 4 years ago! I've managed to get myself slowly back into a training schedule and race schedule and am proud to say that I've gotten out and bagged some miles more and more each week. It didn't happen over night. This post and this plan have been in draft form for about a year. I'd go on a run, think "I've got this again" and then give it up a few days later. I'm proud to say for almost 2 months now I've been getting after it and having a little bit of fun too.

So here's my guide to making running great again.

1. Forgive yourself

I gave myself permission to be ok with taking time off. With no qualifiers.

I am allowing myself to be ok with not running or racing for a big chunk of time because I just didn't. It was ok to tell my inner voice it was for this reason or that, but in the end it's ok and there's no more explanation, self reflection, or justification to others I need to make. I didn't race or run much, I did other things there were a lot of fun. Running, frisbee, happy hours; those are not activities to be weighed against each other. I didn't run for awhile and now I'm trying to again. Cool.

2. Go back to the basics

For me, it was Wait Wait Don't Tell Me. On some of the hardest days to get out and run, when my legs were tired or my eyes were heavy, I convinced myself that I deserved the treat of my favorite podcast. I was so behind too so I have a wealth of episodes to listen to. Yes, even the simpler pre-November 2016 time episodes. What once was my occasional crutch became my semi-permanent prosthetic. But it works, it gets me excited to at least get outside and put in some miles.

3. F*ck Expectations

I have no goal time for my race this weekend other than finishing. True, finishing comes with expectations - you do have to do it in a certain time. But I'm not going for a PR or anything. I know it will be hard, I'm so poorly trained for a hard hilly race that it will also be hard for the days following, but I know I can do it. I've tried to have this mentality as I've slogged through training runs. It hurts, it's hard, I'm slow, just keep going. But I'm running a 16 minute mile, so what? All that means is in 16 minutes you check off another mile. Do enough of them (5, 10, 15, 25) and you're done. I remember running Quad Rock one year and having forgot most of my running shit, including a watch. I think that was the year I ran my fastest because I didn't really expect much, I had no measure of whether I was meeting an expectation, I just went out and had fun.

4. Avoid Extremes

One thing I learned from my pendulum swing back to running is that it's hard to exist on the extremes. You can do it for awhile, years in fact, but it's not easy. I realized for a bit I was on the running extreme. You don't have to be winning races to get there. You just have to put yourself so much into something that you forget to remember to do it for the right reasons. And as pendulums work, if you swing far on one side it's super easy for the momentum to swing you pretty far to the other. I'm trying to be more mindful of avoid a zero sum game of activities. I don't have to do more of A to counter B. I go run sometimes, I go to happy hour sometimes, I play frisbee sometimes, I do all three sometimes. 

5. Suck it up Buttercup

It's so easy to think about how hard it is to go on a run. And most runners will tell you, the first 2-5 miles suck. Not the in the bigger picture. The totality of the run can be great. But taking the first couple steps, heck putting on stinky running clothes, can just seems really super hard most days, impossible others. Currently, I have to give myself a pep talk and admit to myself that I'm not going to feel great at the start. But I know that if I suck it up I usually feel great a few miles in and I always feel better that I did it after. Even when I've had a horrible run, where I felt sick the whole time, I never think to myself when I get home, I wish I hadn't done that.

So that's what I got. It's not a perfect list, it's not complete either. All I can say is, I'm trying. I'm putting myself back out there. I'm trying to get back to a time when running was great, there was a chicken in every pot, and American Democracy worked. I'm ok with one out of those three to start. 

Dealing with Disappointments

Running can be a lot of really positive things, but sometimes you can get really disappointed. There are varying levels of disappointment; a bad training run, some missed days of running, or a bad race. A race day disappointment is usually the one the lingers the most. Why wouldn't it be? A day after a bad training run you're pretty much over it because you've moved on to the next training run. But a race is THE RACE that you were training for and the next day you've got nothing but sore muscles, a t-shirt, and a medal to keep you company. There might be another race, but it's just far enough away to make you question whether or not you can get a refund for your entry fee.

In thinking about why race disappointments weigh on us more than training disappointments I started to think about my mentality going into a race vs a training run. In the training run you are thinking about your work and approach towards a race. Your miles are little nuggets of goodness that you bank, and on the day of the race if you did your work, you have enough nuggets to get you through (and you work hard enough that you use all of them). So if you have a bad day running, those are still deposits into your race day bank account. Sometimes bad runs are even better, because it teaches you as a runner that you can push your body through something and finish. I know I've relied on that at the end of the race, reminding myself how bad I may have felt that one training day and I made it. So a bad day running is just that; a bad day running. You take a shower, you eat some food, you move on.

A race, on the other hand, seems like so much more than just a bad day running. A race is the totality of all your running and training up until that point. So it's not so much a disappointment in a run, it's a disappointment with the weight of months of training on your shoulder. It's not one disappointing run, it is disappointment of all your runs. You question what you did or did not do. Having a bad race hurts more because in our minds we make it a lot more than just about that race. You wonder, did you invest all your foundation nuggets into sub-prime mortgages? In short, it really sucks to think you didn't do all that you could do before a race and you question any missed runs, any runs cut short, or even wonder why you skipped some of the fun stuff to go running.

How do you deal with these disappointments? As runners, we obviously figure something out because we continue to sign up for races and run in the rain so the trick is using the disappointment to your advantage. There are two types of race day disappointments; those you feel after the race and those you feel during the race. I've been "lucky" enough to experience both, and both have translated into something positive here's how:

1. Disappointment at the end of a race...

Let me first say you sort of know when you're going to be bummed at the end of the race. Something in your brain or your body knows that when you finish you're not going to finish in the way you imagined. Last year I ran the Canyonlands Half Marathon. It runs along side the Colorado River through the Canyon into Moab. It is a beautiful race and fairly easy. It is on the road and mostly downhill with a section that cuts through town. It's a great race to get a PR and I think a lot of people go into the race with that mentality. I was super excited to run it well. I had finally broke 2hrs for a half marathon the spring before so I was focused on getting somewhere around 1:50. The weather was so/so, no rain or snow but a pretty heavy wind ripped up through the canyon so that was going to be a challenge. At some points it was so strong I had to literally hold on to my hat to keep it from falling off and disappearing behind me. I didn't feel super well as I got started, but after about 2 miles in I fell into a groove. I was sticking with my pace I needed, even a bit faster so I felt ok despite my body not really feeling awesome. I remember I kept going through waves of feeling fast and great to feeling slow and tired. The last one hit as I came out of the canyon onto the road and it stuck. I knew I was cutting it close pace wise, but it didn't really set in until I saw the clock at the finish line and it was already at 2 hours. I knew I didn't have enough of a "gun time" cushion to even get me under 2 hours so I crossed the finish line feeling really bummed out. At least they had some fun chips to snack on and I nursed some of the disappointment with beers and disc golf in the evening.

At first I blamed the typical offenders - the weather sucked, the wind was really strong and it meant I had to work harder to go forward, I felt crappy to begin with so it just "wasn't my day", and that stupid section along the highway is a pain in the butt. Those are all factors that played into how I did, but I started thinking more about my training. Yes I had a goal of under 2 hours (preferably near 1:50). Yes I ran leading up to the race so I had the miles in. But...on all my training runs I never really made an effort to train for 1:50. I just trained to run a half-marathon. Most runners know that after a certain point you have to switch your training from being "just finish the race" to a goal time. This requires more than just saying your going to run it in this amount of time, you actually need to incorporate that into your training runs. So really, I finished the race exactly how I had trained for it. In fact I probably did a little better than I should have considering I never really trained to run at the pace I did. End of the race disappointments are tough, but they put into prospective what you expected to happen at the end of the race. I know now if I want to hit that time I need to do some pace runs and train to run it that fast not hope I can pull out that fast of a run.

2. Disappointment during the race...

It's really hard to get disappointed during a race and even more so when you have a lot more ground to cover before you can finish. I haven't had to face this feeling at mile 1 of a marathon thankfully, but I have gone through it and I think it's made me a stronger runner, especially with trail runs. I have heard that some people will just quit a marathon if they are no longer on their Boston Qualifying pace. I have no problem with that, we all run for different reasons. I don't think I could ever be that person just because if I've come that far I'm going to finish the race because I at least want to eat as much of the snacks at the end as I can. There are also some races where you don't get your t-shirt unless you finish and I like to hoard t-shirts.

When I was running Grandma's Marathon last year I wanted to badly to break 4 hours. I had been trying to the last couple years only to shave a minute or two off my time. I had done several trail races and felt like I was pretty strong and could do it. I started out with the pacer and was sticking with him for most of the race. But I got to about mile 18 and things started to go downhill. My legs stopped working and I was finding it harder to catch up with the pacer after the water stations. I finally couldn't do it and I knew that I wasn't going to be able to keep the pace I needed to break 4 hours. I was bummed, and I let myself feel bummed for about 2 minutes and then I kept going. I passed a bunch of college kids cheering the runners on holding out beers in a feeble attempt to get us to take a swig and I thought "what the heck" so I ran over and downed a beer. Once I did that I decided to just have fun the rest of the race and not worry about it. I'd be lying if I said my legs didn't hurt the rest of the way but the 4 hour number didn't seem to bother me that much anymore. I still managed to finish with an identical time from the year before and while I didn't hit my mark I turned the rest of the race into having fun and it worked. Yes I still want to break 4 hours, but sometimes you just got to let it go and drink a free PBR.

My point for all of this rambling is, we all get disappointed at some point running. Whether you're just out there on a Saturday going for a run or you're doing a race. You can plan perfectly for a race and get slammed at the start line with snow/rain/wind/stomach cramps/you name it. Bad races can teach us what we need to do in our training (that we might not see unless we blow up during a race). Bad races can also remind us that it's not all about your fastest time or breaking your PR it's about enjoying yourself for the 1/2/3/4....9 hours you're out running and you don't have to be anyone but you running. You don't have to make copies or fold your laundry. You don't even have to pick up after yourself (unless you're on the trail dude, leave no trace!). It's rare in life that we get that much undisturbed time to be within our selves and only for ourselves and if someone gives you beer along the way; bonus.