Masks, bees, and why I'm voting for Biden

 I've tried since George W Bush was elected to a second term to stay away from making overtly political statements on social media. Part has to do with my current role and previous roles that made being overtly political difficult. I remember working at Urban Peak and hurting for our clients when they learned the president didn't really care about helping those in poverty. I remember hurting when my friend in same sex relationship wouldn't be recognized as a married couple. I've felt so horrible for my friend while sitting in a position as a white, heterosexual female, middle/upper class, that I didn't think I could do much. Then, I got stung by a bee.

I've been afraid of "stingee insects" for a long time. Maybe I got it from my dad, maybe I got it from the fact that there are INSECTS THAT STAB YOU WITH SHIT! But the fear of insects was never a running fear. 

I've been unwarrently comfortable running since COVID. The world was shut down and my office was closed. I was suddenly able to run in the morning and recover comfortably in my home. I run with a mask. My mask is a buff from Buff USA which has unwittingly supplied all of my COVID mask supplies since the pandemic. My mask unwittingly supplied this horror. 

Frisbee was canceled, officially and unofficially a few times. I resigned to the fact in march that "things would look different". I accepted in June that Masters would be canceled. Recently there was an opportunity, 4v4 ultimate over Labor Day. Selfishly I was excited. Let's set a team, a women's masters team. Or a mixed masters team. 

Then I thought through it. My dad. He almost died 3 years ago in June. Actually he did die, they EMTs saved him. We jokingly celebrate his new birthday on June 20th when he woke up from his medically induced coma he wasn't supposed to wake up from. The amazing first responders at the woodland fire department made sure of that. 

He hasn't been able to do anything of much since then. He goes to Menards, with an N95 mask to buy thins that only him will send in the rebate for. He finally got go go back to rehab, but limited. And I wanted to visit. I realized I couldn't visit if I played in a frisbee tournament. I already know it's hard for me to visit knowing I have to go back to work at the State Capitol in a committee hearing with people who think this COVID issue is a hoax. I couldn't imagine playing frisbee and then exposing him to whatever I picked up counting "stall eight". 

I want to see my mom and dad. I want to sit with them in their sun room and drink coffee. I want to poke fun at my dad over the 5000 piece puzzle I left him with in June. I want to sit out by the fire pit with my mom after I guessed at what beer I think she night like. I can't do that unless people wear masks and actually F*cking care. 

I wear a mask when I run. I have since March. I wear a buff mask that I pull over my face when I run by people. Today I wore a mask. I was running and saw a bee fly directly in my my chest. At first I thought it went down my shirt. Then I felt a pain in my neck. I quickly "freaked/flayed out". I tore my buff off my neck and that included my ear phones and all. I knew I was stung. I shook out my Buff, a bee fell out. I bravely ran away. I made if home, it happened smack in the middle of my run my fastest relief was to run home. I got home, pulled an amazing stinger out of my neck, put ice on my neck, and cracked open a beer. 

I ran home. I'm not allergic. I was fine, I have a very small welt on my neck. I'm lucky. I'm healthy. 

So here is the thing. Trump made this COVID shit last this long, Trump is the reason I am worried about visiting my parents. Trump => Masks => Bees => Vote Biden/Harris. 

Day 47(26) - Failing Forward

I totally fell of the wagon. Like fell off, rolled underneath it, and ended up on a couch with a beer fell off the wagon. I killed week 1 and week 2. And then well...things got a little less runny and a little more lifey.

Week 3 (7/14 - 7/20) was supposed to be another 3/5/3 mile sets during the week with a 6m run on the weekend. I "excused" myself that week because it was Masters Nationals. So I did run a lot - league on Tuesday and frisbee Friday, Saturday, and Sunday so for a light rest week I didn't worry a lot about exact mileage.

Week 4 (7/21 - 7/27) was supposed to be a 3/6/3 mid week with an 11m run on the weekend. I did do one run of not quite 6m and some frisbee, but then I went to Arkansas and absolutely did not do an 11m run. Totally got in some cross training in the form of swimming in the pool and nerf gun battles.

Nephews extraordinare!

Since then I've had some spotty spurts of going on a run or a hike but nothing consistent and nothing in line with the training program. Trust me, I've got all the excuses if you want to hear them, most of the stories end in a great new beer to try and in one instance a ridiculous outfit and spiked seltzer.

Technically I should be on week 7. This would include a 14m run this weekend. Could I do it? Yes. I know that as long as I'm active I will always be able to run at least a half marathon so 14m doesn't really sound that daunting. But part of doing a training and sticking to it was to do a training and stick to it and dear readers, I failed horribly.

But I am committed to failing forward*. So I've decided to back up and restart at week 4. So day 47 in real life is now day 26 in training.



Here is what the next two weeks look like:

                       Monday     Tuesday     Wednesday     Thursday     Friday     Saturday     Sunday
Wk 4 Plan       Rest            3mi            6mi pace          3mi            Rest           11mi          Cross 
Actual             3.29mi       5.83mi         5mi walk         rest

Wk 5 Plan        Rest           3mi               6mi                3mi            Rest           12mi          Cross

I have frisbee league on Sundays now so I have my cross training locked up. I'm hoping I can get myself back in the routine of running consistantly. I notice I feel better, I work better, and overall I'm just a better person when I do this.

*Failing forward came from one of my favorite co-workers. We've had a very challenging project going on almost 2 years and had to do a presentation this week on it's status (spoiler status was not great but we're fixing it). She brought up that at least we are failing forward, making mistakes but making mistakes and keeping our focus on how to move forward and fix them to ultimately get a product that will benefit everyone. With that in mind I am committed to failing forward with this training and while I made mistakes and will continue to make mistakes I'm going to keep moving myself in the direction of my goal - completing this training in it's entirety. 


           

Day 14 Week Two Blues

Week two is the hardest. Week one is great, you get to feel successful with each day of training; look at me I did it, I ran three days in a row! Week two you realize you have to do it again, and again for another 17 weeks. This week was hard but I'm glad that I got it done. I got the right number of miles in, sort of unconventionally, but I did it.

Here's what week 2 looked like:

                Monday     Tuesday     Wednesday     Thursday       Friday     Saturday      Sunday
Plan         rest             3mi            5mi                 3mi                 rest          9mi             cross
Actual     rest             2mi            2.5mi(w)         track/2mi       4.54mi     2.23mi        8.9mi     

Total: 22.27miles

I didn't cross train last week nor this week. Frisbee covers a lot of the other type of movements I need. I think when I have less frisbee I can work in more of a cross training workout into my routine. Tuesday and Thursday were both frisbee days. I did a track workout before a double header on Thursday and my quads were sore for the next few days. Wednesday was a walk, so not a run. I know part of my struggle is making sure I continue to do things every day when I can so I can't get too mad if it's a walk and not a run. As long as I get my miles in and make sure I hit my long runs I feel good about it. I thought the run I picked on Friday was 5 miles, when I double checked on mapmyrun.com I realized that the 5 mile route adds one small part that I didn't do. I'm mostly happy about my Sunday run. I ran a similar run last week but shorter (took out an extra section I added to get close to 9 miles) and I did it faster. I'm hoping this gets me slowly to a more comfortable feeling running "pace" runs.

Sorry nothing exciting or profound this week. Just wanted to make sure I kept to my accountability by posting what I did. Week 3 will be interesting. Next Friday, Saturday, Sunday is Master's Nationals so it will be a lot of frisbee. Hopefully I'll have deeper thoughts after that!

Day 6 - I got 99 problems but mental hurdles ain't one

I've written a lot about the mental hurdles you have to get over to run races, especially long distance races. Not surprisingly the most common response I get when I mention running a marathon or an ultra marathon is "I could never do it". But you can! I was just talking with a friend about running and why I've always believed anyone could run. As well documented in "Born To Run" (the infamous book that convinced me I should try a 100 miler and a blog) humans are built to run. We were built to chase prey over long distances. What changed? Well we don't have to chase our prey, we don't even have to drive for prepackaged prey someone will drive it to you. We also have a lot of pavement which is just not really great on your body. We made shoes to help, but for anyone who's done a road marathon and a trail marathon you can tell pretty quickly when you have to walk down stairs the day after.

Part of the challenge of running long distance races is convincing your brain, tainted by society, that you can do it. I remember the first time I ran 10 miles, the first time I reached double digit miles. I couldn't believe it had happened and how easy it actually was. And after that, every run that came next; 13 miles, 18 miles, 26.2 miles, 50 miles wasn't impossible. You really do have to just do it and experience that you can do it and there you are. A lot of races are run with doubt. Doubt that you can finish, keep going, get over that next hill. A lot of races are also lost by poor training and injury. But you'd be surprised by how many times just thinking "I can't" gets in the way of finishing, and even more so, signing up for a race.

After I finished my first marathon I felt like I could do it again. After I finished my first 50 miler I know I could probably do anything as long as I didn't mind getting sick after. That's the belief that carried me through the Salida Race Through Time Half Marathon this March. That race was my first long distance trail race in I think 2012. I was terrified the night before. Wrong Way Ryan can attest to that. While him and the Bearded Wonder were out getting beers, I was laying in my bed obsessing over the race map. And I had trained for that race. I had done everything right. Fast forward to this March I "trained" with almost zero trail miles, drank beers with everyone the night before, and just sort of showed up and did it. I did it because the doing 13.1 miles wasn't the hard part. I knew I could do it, I had done it. I also knew I couldn't do it as fast as I wanted to so I paced accordingly.

It's that thinking that's gotten me pretty sloppy at training.

So part of this adventure right now is improving the other parts of racing. My brain is fantastically equipped to complete impossible tasks. My legs, not so much. So my mental hurdle is picking a training run over happy hour and running even if it's a league night. Or in the case of this past week, going on a run after happy hour. That was rough, so many burps. I have to get over the mental hurdle of missing social engagements and pushing myself along with frisbee. I'd love to see a running book dedicated to FOMO.

Here's how I did this week:

Monday                  Tuesday       Wednesday        Thursday        Friday    Saturday    Sunday
Plan: rest                 3m               5m pace             3m                  rest         8m             cross
Actual: 3.26m         2m               3.36m                5.53m              Rest!      8.33m

Total: 22.38m

I ran on a rest day, Monday's are good nights for me to run because I don't have frisbee league so I think I'll likely continue with running on Mondays. I only did 2 miles Tuesday because it was frisbee league. I wore my garmin watch and it gave me 2 miles of running during one game. I consider that sort of pace work because it's a lot of sprinting. Wednesday was after a happy hour so I'm glad I at least got a run in. Thursday was a great hike. Hiking up hill is sprinting in disguise so I think that was a good alternative. Friday I actually rested! Saturday I did a long road run, it wasn't as fast as I want it to be so I'm hoping my times start to get better. Which I know means actually doing the pace runs. Sunday is cross training so I think I'll do a hike and/or some strength training.

So week one was ok. I got in more miles than required so I am glad I took one rest day. Hurdle of week 1 is over and I think I did ok. Maybe I manufactured a way to get over that hurdle in a non-traditional way, but considering where I've been I'm pleased.
                                                   

Day 1 - A fools errand?

I haven't posted in awhile mostly because I haven't really been running. I dabbled. I ran the Salida Half Marathon this June. Ill advised. I did the least amount of training one could do without finishing being considered a miracle. I did finish, I felt mostly ok. The most I ran three months before was 10 miles, on the road, super slow.

The other day I made a deal with myself that I would run a race this fall. To get to that point I am starting my training today and my goal is to stick to it and really do it. I've followed training programs before and by followed I mean "followed". I was terrible at sticking to the mileage, the pattern of running. The one time I did it, really did it, was when I trained for my first marathon back in 2008. 11 years ago to today; day 1.

I have a few goals.

1. Stick to the program as close as I can to make sure I get the milage in per week and honor the pace days, rest days, and days run in a row. For reference I'm going to use the Hal Higdon Novice 2 program.

Week 1 looks like this:
Monday     Tuesday     Wednesday     Thursday     Friday     Saturday     Sunday     Total
    rest             3mi          5mi pace           3mi            rest          8mi            cross       19mi


2. Report out on it. I probably won't post every day, but I will do my best to post once a week with an update on how well I'm staying on track.

3. Run a sub 4hr marathon. This one may not happen at the end of the 18 weeks. I haven't found a marathon that quite matches up There's a half thats pretty close so I may got for a sub 2hr half and use that to spring into a marathon within that month.

4. Get the courage to do another 50miler. I still want to get to at least one 100 miler in my life. To feel confident doing that I need to better my 50miler times. So I'd like to commit to signing up for a 50 miler by the end of this training.

I get inspired by reading about running. I just finished Peter Sagel's book "The Incomplete Book of Running". I'm going to start "What I Talk When I Talk About Running" by Haruki Murakami. I followed a lot of the Western States tracking this past weekend so I think I've got a good dose of inspiration.

So today is Day 1. The training program is 18 weeks. That's 126 days. I already messed up the schedule, today is a rest day, but I had time when I got home after work so I ran 3ish miles. I may look at switching rest days up.

How to make friends, influence people, and finish a 25mile race

Me hiding under the trail awning waiting for the race to start

Two weeks ago I ran the Quad Rock 25 mile race at Lory State Park in Fort Collinish. It's one of my favorite races, I think one of the races I've run the most since I started distance running, and a race that proves my point: if you can't win races at least make sure the race has a sweet finisher medal at the end. Quad Rock does not disappoint. Rather than a metal clangy thing that I'll wear once and then remove it and look at it each time I have to move as I place it into a different box to totally hang up later, they give you a sweet ass coffee mug that can double as a beer mug.

The weather was not ideal. It was reminiscent to the last time I ran this race although this time it was most definitely raining. So we were running in the rain while also running through the cloud that was raining on us. This is the plot of Inception 2.

Erin Bibeau photography got some great action shots!

Oddly enough, I think the interesting weather played a significant part in my finishing and not feeling horrible. My final time was 6:42:14. Not amazing, but I didn't want to die at the end. The race was so wet, that there were parts unrunnable, at least for most people, which slowed everything down. Maybe I could have shaved 10-15min off with dry trails, but the forced slowness likely contributed to my lack of pain. I'm used to being on my feet for long stretches, but not as great at being on my feet for long stretches going fast. I had to take it slow, which translated into not feeling as fatigued when I'm at my slowest; uphill. I was woefully undertrained for this race. Very few trail miles and very few consistent weeks of runs. On paper I should have crawled across the finish line, but here I am, all smiles and mud.

Coming through the last stretch of trail before getting my mug!

I'm not saying that my training should be mimicked. Having the experience of finishing long races, including this one, in the past mentally I knew I could finish. In distance running, physical training only goes so far. Mentally training your body to continue despite [fill in the blank] is the key to connecting it all through the last mile. It is also something that doesn't leave you as quickly as physical ability. I knew going in I wouldn't break a PR, or win my age bracket, and this time I was ok with that. I never once thought, I can't do this, I can't finish. That took years of hard miles and harder races to develop. That spark that makes me want to beat myself the next time I go out did get a little stronger.

Another significant part of my success comes down to three things: honeystinger, pickles etc, and PBR. I realized after my less than steller half marathons, that maybe I needed to revisit my fuel and calorie intake. I kept thinking "13.1 is so short I don't need to eat". False. Food is fuel and without fuel you putter around. I made a commitment to eat every 30min, with something more substantial at least every hour or as I got to aid stations. I stuck with Honey Stinger gummies while I was on the move and whatever I put in my mouth at the aid stations. This came out to be M&Ms, chips, pickles, cokes, bananas, and a quesadilla. I also celebrated the awesomeness of aid station volunteers, but drinking a small cup of PBR at mile 10. Definitely helped me get up the second big climb.

My next race is the North Fork 50k. Thanks to Wrong Way Ryan for getting me a free entry for being hands down the best aide station volunteer ever. I'm also not in the best training state for a 50k, but conquering Quad Rock give me the strength to know that I can physically get it done. And the chance of being covered, head to toe in mud, is highly unlikely. I think I have my fuel worked out more and keeping my body stocked with the energy I need to finish will be priority number one.

On a more feelings based note, while traveling for work this week, my coworker and were having general discussions about running and my upcoming race at North Fork. I was discussing my use of audio stimuli on road runs vs. trail runs (I do when I'm training miles on pavements, I never use it when I'm racing or running on trails). This brought up one of my joys of trail running and trail races; the people. You meet the best people when you're 4 hours into 32 miles and haven't seen an ice cube in what feels like days. Our discussion brought up a great memory I had a few years back running the North Fork 50k. In the stretch leading up to the last aide station before the finish, I ended up spending a lot of time with 2 women as we slowly made the climb up out of a gully. We were tired, almost 25miles into the race at this point. One of the woman was 70, she was worried about finishing within her goal time. Her goal time was important because her husband told her that if she couldn't finish this race within that time frame, she shouldn't (or couldn't) do a 100 miler she had planned on later that year. That got all of us focused on getting her to the finish so she could keep her goal alive. We talked about races, how running affects our partners and our social lives, how the other woman paced her friend while she was 7 months pregnant. We got to the last aide station and as she got her needs met and I sat down under the awning drinking the beer Wrong Way Ryan saved for me. I wished her well and told her I'd try to catch her on the way down. I did end up catching her about a mile before the finish and we finished that last leg together. As we rounded  the corner into the finish I told her to go for it and she sprinted ahead to her husband cheering. I'm not going to lie, while running tends to make all of us weirdly emotional, this time I really had to hold back tears because it was just so awesome.

I'm really looking forward to North Fork. My time goal, yes I'm taking a leap and putting one out there, is 7:30. Hopefully that includes some beer before the last downhill. It's going to be hot, it always is. I got a good run in today, sweating through about 9 miles in 90 degrees. No stomach cramps and an ice cold Coke when I finished. Here's to new friends, cold beer, and 32 miles of smiles!

Making Running Great Again

Oh hi, it's been awhile...

Basically this is how I've felt about running, races, and training in general going on almost 2 years:

Honestly I haven't really been running, I haven't been motivated to run, I haven't even been motivated to sign up for a race. I can probably list pages of excuses and some of them would be super good and convincing. Some could even pull on your heart strings a little or a lot. But that's not why I've dusted off the old blog.

It's almost too fitting that my last post was almost exactly 2 years ago. Showcasing a picture of me running Quad Rock in my unplanned telly-tubby outfit for the conditions. I looked back at some past posts and realized what a champion I was for getting out there and running despite [fill in the blank]. And here I sit, 2 years since I ran a marathon, a few months after some rather disappointing half marathons, and looking Quad Rock in the face.

I could dwell on why I didn't run seriously for so long, but that doesn't do much for me now.
I'd rather focus on motivation, what to do when you lose it, and my struggle to find it again.

It's not like one day you wake up a runner and the next day you wake up a couch potato. The opposite isn't true either. I don't remember when my motivation started to disappear because it wasn't a single event. It just became easier and easier each day to not run. Signing up for races is a big motivator and I could just as well say I didn't sign up for any races so it's hard to train when you're not training for anything. But in one case I actually signed up for a race, paid, and then didn't run it. Weeks went by where I promised myself I'd start next week, tomorrow, soon! Weeks went by and I didn't. I picked up some other outlets, signed up for more frisbee leagues, even loosely committed to a lifting/strength program I could do at home. I wasn't being lazy, I wasn't even getting that out of shape. But I was missing something, I knew it, I just didn't know how to get it back even though my running shoes (and there are a lot, for someone not running races I still managed to accumulate shoes) were sitting right there by the door.

In the past I've stressed finding a balance between running and life. Don't let it take over, but also don't let it be something so easily replaced. In the present, I've been consumed with the guilt of not doing this thing I supposedly love to do (and write about) and not sure how to over come it. As I work my way back into running I am digging deep for some motivation. It was so much easier 4 years ago! I've managed to get myself slowly back into a training schedule and race schedule and am proud to say that I've gotten out and bagged some miles more and more each week. It didn't happen over night. This post and this plan have been in draft form for about a year. I'd go on a run, think "I've got this again" and then give it up a few days later. I'm proud to say for almost 2 months now I've been getting after it and having a little bit of fun too.

So here's my guide to making running great again.

1. Forgive yourself

I gave myself permission to be ok with taking time off. With no qualifiers.

I am allowing myself to be ok with not running or racing for a big chunk of time because I just didn't. It was ok to tell my inner voice it was for this reason or that, but in the end it's ok and there's no more explanation, self reflection, or justification to others I need to make. I didn't race or run much, I did other things there were a lot of fun. Running, frisbee, happy hours; those are not activities to be weighed against each other. I didn't run for awhile and now I'm trying to again. Cool.

2. Go back to the basics

For me, it was Wait Wait Don't Tell Me. On some of the hardest days to get out and run, when my legs were tired or my eyes were heavy, I convinced myself that I deserved the treat of my favorite podcast. I was so behind too so I have a wealth of episodes to listen to. Yes, even the simpler pre-November 2016 time episodes. What once was my occasional crutch became my semi-permanent prosthetic. But it works, it gets me excited to at least get outside and put in some miles.

3. F*ck Expectations

I have no goal time for my race this weekend other than finishing. True, finishing comes with expectations - you do have to do it in a certain time. But I'm not going for a PR or anything. I know it will be hard, I'm so poorly trained for a hard hilly race that it will also be hard for the days following, but I know I can do it. I've tried to have this mentality as I've slogged through training runs. It hurts, it's hard, I'm slow, just keep going. But I'm running a 16 minute mile, so what? All that means is in 16 minutes you check off another mile. Do enough of them (5, 10, 15, 25) and you're done. I remember running Quad Rock one year and having forgot most of my running shit, including a watch. I think that was the year I ran my fastest because I didn't really expect much, I had no measure of whether I was meeting an expectation, I just went out and had fun.

4. Avoid Extremes

One thing I learned from my pendulum swing back to running is that it's hard to exist on the extremes. You can do it for awhile, years in fact, but it's not easy. I realized for a bit I was on the running extreme. You don't have to be winning races to get there. You just have to put yourself so much into something that you forget to remember to do it for the right reasons. And as pendulums work, if you swing far on one side it's super easy for the momentum to swing you pretty far to the other. I'm trying to be more mindful of avoid a zero sum game of activities. I don't have to do more of A to counter B. I go run sometimes, I go to happy hour sometimes, I play frisbee sometimes, I do all three sometimes. 

5. Suck it up Buttercup

It's so easy to think about how hard it is to go on a run. And most runners will tell you, the first 2-5 miles suck. Not the in the bigger picture. The totality of the run can be great. But taking the first couple steps, heck putting on stinky running clothes, can just seems really super hard most days, impossible others. Currently, I have to give myself a pep talk and admit to myself that I'm not going to feel great at the start. But I know that if I suck it up I usually feel great a few miles in and I always feel better that I did it after. Even when I've had a horrible run, where I felt sick the whole time, I never think to myself when I get home, I wish I hadn't done that.

So that's what I got. It's not a perfect list, it's not complete either. All I can say is, I'm trying. I'm putting myself back out there. I'm trying to get back to a time when running was great, there was a chicken in every pot, and American Democracy worked. I'm ok with one out of those three to start.