Basically this is how I've felt about running, races, and training in general going on almost 2 years:
Honestly I haven't really been running, I haven't been motivated to run, I haven't even been motivated to sign up for a race. I can probably list pages of excuses and some of them would be super good and convincing. Some could even pull on your heart strings a little or a lot. But that's not why I've dusted off the old blog.
It's almost too fitting that my last post was almost exactly 2 years ago. Showcasing a picture of me running Quad Rock in my unplanned telly-tubby outfit for the conditions. I looked back at some past posts and realized what a champion I was for getting out there and running despite [fill in the blank]. And here I sit, 2 years since I ran a marathon, a few months after some rather disappointing half marathons, and looking Quad Rock in the face.
I could dwell on why I didn't run seriously for so long, but that doesn't do much for me now.
I'd rather focus on motivation, what to do when you lose it, and my struggle to find it again.
It's not like one day you wake up a runner and the next day you wake up a couch potato. The opposite isn't true either. I don't remember when my motivation started to disappear because it wasn't a single event. It just became easier and easier each day to not run. Signing up for races is a big motivator and I could just as well say I didn't sign up for any races so it's hard to train when you're not training for anything. But in one case I actually signed up for a race, paid, and then didn't run it. Weeks went by where I promised myself I'd start next week, tomorrow, soon! Weeks went by and I didn't. I picked up some other outlets, signed up for more frisbee leagues, even loosely committed to a lifting/strength program I could do at home. I wasn't being lazy, I wasn't even getting that out of shape. But I was missing something, I knew it, I just didn't know how to get it back even though my running shoes (and there are a lot, for someone not running races I still managed to accumulate shoes) were sitting right there by the door.
In the past I've stressed finding a balance between running and life. Don't let it take over, but also don't let it be something so easily replaced. In the present, I've been consumed with the guilt of not doing this thing I supposedly love to do (and write about) and not sure how to over come it. As I work my way back into running I am digging deep for some motivation. It was so much easier 4 years ago! I've managed to get myself slowly back into a training schedule and race schedule and am proud to say that I've gotten out and bagged some miles more and more each week. It didn't happen over night. This post and this plan have been in draft form for about a year. I'd go on a run, think "I've got this again" and then give it up a few days later. I'm proud to say for almost 2 months now I've been getting after it and having a little bit of fun too.
So here's my guide to making running great again.
1. Forgive yourself
I gave myself permission to be ok with taking time off. With no qualifiers.
I am allowing myself to be ok with not running or racing for a big chunk of time because I just didn't. It was ok to tell my inner voice it was for this reason or that, but in the end it's ok and there's no more explanation, self reflection, or justification to others I need to make. I didn't race or run much, I did other things there were a lot of fun. Running, frisbee, happy hours; those are not activities to be weighed against each other. I didn't run for awhile and now I'm trying to again. Cool.
2. Go back to the basics
For me, it was Wait Wait Don't Tell Me. On some of the hardest days to get out and run, when my legs were tired or my eyes were heavy, I convinced myself that I deserved the treat of my favorite podcast. I was so behind too so I have a wealth of episodes to listen to. Yes, even the simpler pre-November 2016 time episodes. What once was my occasional crutch became my semi-permanent prosthetic. But it works, it gets me excited to at least get outside and put in some miles.
3. F*ck Expectations
I have no goal time for my race this weekend other than finishing. True, finishing comes with expectations - you do have to do it in a certain time. But I'm not going for a PR or anything. I know it will be hard, I'm so poorly trained for a hard hilly race that it will also be hard for the days following, but I know I can do it. I've tried to have this mentality as I've slogged through training runs. It hurts, it's hard, I'm slow, just keep going. But I'm running a 16 minute mile, so what? All that means is in 16 minutes you check off another mile. Do enough of them (5, 10, 15, 25) and you're done. I remember running Quad Rock one year and having forgot most of my running shit, including a watch. I think that was the year I ran my fastest because I didn't really expect much, I had no measure of whether I was meeting an expectation, I just went out and had fun.
4. Avoid Extremes
One thing I learned from my pendulum swing back to running is that it's hard to exist on the extremes. You can do it for awhile, years in fact, but it's not easy. I realized for a bit I was on the running extreme. You don't have to be winning races to get there. You just have to put yourself so much into something that you forget to remember to do it for the right reasons. And as pendulums work, if you swing far on one side it's super easy for the momentum to swing you pretty far to the other. I'm trying to be more mindful of avoid a zero sum game of activities. I don't have to do more of A to counter B. I go run sometimes, I go to happy hour sometimes, I play frisbee sometimes, I do all three sometimes.
5. Suck it up Buttercup
It's so easy to think about how hard it is to go on a run. And most runners will tell you, the first 2-5 miles suck. Not the in the bigger picture. The totality of the run can be great. But taking the first couple steps, heck putting on stinky running clothes, can just seems really super hard most days, impossible others. Currently, I have to give myself a pep talk and admit to myself that I'm not going to feel great at the start. But I know that if I suck it up I usually feel great a few miles in and I always feel better that I did it after. Even when I've had a horrible run, where I felt sick the whole time, I never think to myself when I get home, I wish I hadn't done that.
So that's what I got. It's not a perfect list, it's not complete either. All I can say is, I'm trying. I'm putting myself back out there. I'm trying to get back to a time when running was great, there was a chicken in every pot, and American Democracy worked. I'm ok with one out of those three to start.
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