Masks, bees, and why I'm voting for Biden

 I've tried since George W Bush was elected to a second term to stay away from making overtly political statements on social media. Part has to do with my current role and previous roles that made being overtly political difficult. I remember working at Urban Peak and hurting for our clients when they learned the president didn't really care about helping those in poverty. I remember hurting when my friend in same sex relationship wouldn't be recognized as a married couple. I've felt so horrible for my friend while sitting in a position as a white, heterosexual female, middle/upper class, that I didn't think I could do much. Then, I got stung by a bee.

I've been afraid of "stingee insects" for a long time. Maybe I got it from my dad, maybe I got it from the fact that there are INSECTS THAT STAB YOU WITH SHIT! But the fear of insects was never a running fear. 

I've been unwarrently comfortable running since COVID. The world was shut down and my office was closed. I was suddenly able to run in the morning and recover comfortably in my home. I run with a mask. My mask is a buff from Buff USA which has unwittingly supplied all of my COVID mask supplies since the pandemic. My mask unwittingly supplied this horror. 

Frisbee was canceled, officially and unofficially a few times. I resigned to the fact in march that "things would look different". I accepted in June that Masters would be canceled. Recently there was an opportunity, 4v4 ultimate over Labor Day. Selfishly I was excited. Let's set a team, a women's masters team. Or a mixed masters team. 

Then I thought through it. My dad. He almost died 3 years ago in June. Actually he did die, they EMTs saved him. We jokingly celebrate his new birthday on June 20th when he woke up from his medically induced coma he wasn't supposed to wake up from. The amazing first responders at the woodland fire department made sure of that. 

He hasn't been able to do anything of much since then. He goes to Menards, with an N95 mask to buy thins that only him will send in the rebate for. He finally got go go back to rehab, but limited. And I wanted to visit. I realized I couldn't visit if I played in a frisbee tournament. I already know it's hard for me to visit knowing I have to go back to work at the State Capitol in a committee hearing with people who think this COVID issue is a hoax. I couldn't imagine playing frisbee and then exposing him to whatever I picked up counting "stall eight". 

I want to see my mom and dad. I want to sit with them in their sun room and drink coffee. I want to poke fun at my dad over the 5000 piece puzzle I left him with in June. I want to sit out by the fire pit with my mom after I guessed at what beer I think she night like. I can't do that unless people wear masks and actually F*cking care. 

I wear a mask when I run. I have since March. I wear a buff mask that I pull over my face when I run by people. Today I wore a mask. I was running and saw a bee fly directly in my my chest. At first I thought it went down my shirt. Then I felt a pain in my neck. I quickly "freaked/flayed out". I tore my buff off my neck and that included my ear phones and all. I knew I was stung. I shook out my Buff, a bee fell out. I bravely ran away. I made if home, it happened smack in the middle of my run my fastest relief was to run home. I got home, pulled an amazing stinger out of my neck, put ice on my neck, and cracked open a beer. 

I ran home. I'm not allergic. I was fine, I have a very small welt on my neck. I'm lucky. I'm healthy. 

So here is the thing. Trump made this COVID shit last this long, Trump is the reason I am worried about visiting my parents. Trump => Masks => Bees => Vote Biden/Harris. 

Day 47(26) - Failing Forward

I totally fell of the wagon. Like fell off, rolled underneath it, and ended up on a couch with a beer fell off the wagon. I killed week 1 and week 2. And then well...things got a little less runny and a little more lifey.

Week 3 (7/14 - 7/20) was supposed to be another 3/5/3 mile sets during the week with a 6m run on the weekend. I "excused" myself that week because it was Masters Nationals. So I did run a lot - league on Tuesday and frisbee Friday, Saturday, and Sunday so for a light rest week I didn't worry a lot about exact mileage.

Week 4 (7/21 - 7/27) was supposed to be a 3/6/3 mid week with an 11m run on the weekend. I did do one run of not quite 6m and some frisbee, but then I went to Arkansas and absolutely did not do an 11m run. Totally got in some cross training in the form of swimming in the pool and nerf gun battles.

Nephews extraordinare!

Since then I've had some spotty spurts of going on a run or a hike but nothing consistent and nothing in line with the training program. Trust me, I've got all the excuses if you want to hear them, most of the stories end in a great new beer to try and in one instance a ridiculous outfit and spiked seltzer.

Technically I should be on week 7. This would include a 14m run this weekend. Could I do it? Yes. I know that as long as I'm active I will always be able to run at least a half marathon so 14m doesn't really sound that daunting. But part of doing a training and sticking to it was to do a training and stick to it and dear readers, I failed horribly.

But I am committed to failing forward*. So I've decided to back up and restart at week 4. So day 47 in real life is now day 26 in training.



Here is what the next two weeks look like:

                       Monday     Tuesday     Wednesday     Thursday     Friday     Saturday     Sunday
Wk 4 Plan       Rest            3mi            6mi pace          3mi            Rest           11mi          Cross 
Actual             3.29mi       5.83mi         5mi walk         rest

Wk 5 Plan        Rest           3mi               6mi                3mi            Rest           12mi          Cross

I have frisbee league on Sundays now so I have my cross training locked up. I'm hoping I can get myself back in the routine of running consistantly. I notice I feel better, I work better, and overall I'm just a better person when I do this.

*Failing forward came from one of my favorite co-workers. We've had a very challenging project going on almost 2 years and had to do a presentation this week on it's status (spoiler status was not great but we're fixing it). She brought up that at least we are failing forward, making mistakes but making mistakes and keeping our focus on how to move forward and fix them to ultimately get a product that will benefit everyone. With that in mind I am committed to failing forward with this training and while I made mistakes and will continue to make mistakes I'm going to keep moving myself in the direction of my goal - completing this training in it's entirety. 


           

Day 14 Week Two Blues

Week two is the hardest. Week one is great, you get to feel successful with each day of training; look at me I did it, I ran three days in a row! Week two you realize you have to do it again, and again for another 17 weeks. This week was hard but I'm glad that I got it done. I got the right number of miles in, sort of unconventionally, but I did it.

Here's what week 2 looked like:

                Monday     Tuesday     Wednesday     Thursday       Friday     Saturday      Sunday
Plan         rest             3mi            5mi                 3mi                 rest          9mi             cross
Actual     rest             2mi            2.5mi(w)         track/2mi       4.54mi     2.23mi        8.9mi     

Total: 22.27miles

I didn't cross train last week nor this week. Frisbee covers a lot of the other type of movements I need. I think when I have less frisbee I can work in more of a cross training workout into my routine. Tuesday and Thursday were both frisbee days. I did a track workout before a double header on Thursday and my quads were sore for the next few days. Wednesday was a walk, so not a run. I know part of my struggle is making sure I continue to do things every day when I can so I can't get too mad if it's a walk and not a run. As long as I get my miles in and make sure I hit my long runs I feel good about it. I thought the run I picked on Friday was 5 miles, when I double checked on mapmyrun.com I realized that the 5 mile route adds one small part that I didn't do. I'm mostly happy about my Sunday run. I ran a similar run last week but shorter (took out an extra section I added to get close to 9 miles) and I did it faster. I'm hoping this gets me slowly to a more comfortable feeling running "pace" runs.

Sorry nothing exciting or profound this week. Just wanted to make sure I kept to my accountability by posting what I did. Week 3 will be interesting. Next Friday, Saturday, Sunday is Master's Nationals so it will be a lot of frisbee. Hopefully I'll have deeper thoughts after that!

Day 6 - I got 99 problems but mental hurdles ain't one

I've written a lot about the mental hurdles you have to get over to run races, especially long distance races. Not surprisingly the most common response I get when I mention running a marathon or an ultra marathon is "I could never do it". But you can! I was just talking with a friend about running and why I've always believed anyone could run. As well documented in "Born To Run" (the infamous book that convinced me I should try a 100 miler and a blog) humans are built to run. We were built to chase prey over long distances. What changed? Well we don't have to chase our prey, we don't even have to drive for prepackaged prey someone will drive it to you. We also have a lot of pavement which is just not really great on your body. We made shoes to help, but for anyone who's done a road marathon and a trail marathon you can tell pretty quickly when you have to walk down stairs the day after.

Part of the challenge of running long distance races is convincing your brain, tainted by society, that you can do it. I remember the first time I ran 10 miles, the first time I reached double digit miles. I couldn't believe it had happened and how easy it actually was. And after that, every run that came next; 13 miles, 18 miles, 26.2 miles, 50 miles wasn't impossible. You really do have to just do it and experience that you can do it and there you are. A lot of races are run with doubt. Doubt that you can finish, keep going, get over that next hill. A lot of races are also lost by poor training and injury. But you'd be surprised by how many times just thinking "I can't" gets in the way of finishing, and even more so, signing up for a race.

After I finished my first marathon I felt like I could do it again. After I finished my first 50 miler I know I could probably do anything as long as I didn't mind getting sick after. That's the belief that carried me through the Salida Race Through Time Half Marathon this March. That race was my first long distance trail race in I think 2012. I was terrified the night before. Wrong Way Ryan can attest to that. While him and the Bearded Wonder were out getting beers, I was laying in my bed obsessing over the race map. And I had trained for that race. I had done everything right. Fast forward to this March I "trained" with almost zero trail miles, drank beers with everyone the night before, and just sort of showed up and did it. I did it because the doing 13.1 miles wasn't the hard part. I knew I could do it, I had done it. I also knew I couldn't do it as fast as I wanted to so I paced accordingly.

It's that thinking that's gotten me pretty sloppy at training.

So part of this adventure right now is improving the other parts of racing. My brain is fantastically equipped to complete impossible tasks. My legs, not so much. So my mental hurdle is picking a training run over happy hour and running even if it's a league night. Or in the case of this past week, going on a run after happy hour. That was rough, so many burps. I have to get over the mental hurdle of missing social engagements and pushing myself along with frisbee. I'd love to see a running book dedicated to FOMO.

Here's how I did this week:

Monday                  Tuesday       Wednesday        Thursday        Friday    Saturday    Sunday
Plan: rest                 3m               5m pace             3m                  rest         8m             cross
Actual: 3.26m         2m               3.36m                5.53m              Rest!      8.33m

Total: 22.38m

I ran on a rest day, Monday's are good nights for me to run because I don't have frisbee league so I think I'll likely continue with running on Mondays. I only did 2 miles Tuesday because it was frisbee league. I wore my garmin watch and it gave me 2 miles of running during one game. I consider that sort of pace work because it's a lot of sprinting. Wednesday was after a happy hour so I'm glad I at least got a run in. Thursday was a great hike. Hiking up hill is sprinting in disguise so I think that was a good alternative. Friday I actually rested! Saturday I did a long road run, it wasn't as fast as I want it to be so I'm hoping my times start to get better. Which I know means actually doing the pace runs. Sunday is cross training so I think I'll do a hike and/or some strength training.

So week one was ok. I got in more miles than required so I am glad I took one rest day. Hurdle of week 1 is over and I think I did ok. Maybe I manufactured a way to get over that hurdle in a non-traditional way, but considering where I've been I'm pleased.
                                                   

Day 1 - A fools errand?

I haven't posted in awhile mostly because I haven't really been running. I dabbled. I ran the Salida Half Marathon this June. Ill advised. I did the least amount of training one could do without finishing being considered a miracle. I did finish, I felt mostly ok. The most I ran three months before was 10 miles, on the road, super slow.

The other day I made a deal with myself that I would run a race this fall. To get to that point I am starting my training today and my goal is to stick to it and really do it. I've followed training programs before and by followed I mean "followed". I was terrible at sticking to the mileage, the pattern of running. The one time I did it, really did it, was when I trained for my first marathon back in 2008. 11 years ago to today; day 1.

I have a few goals.

1. Stick to the program as close as I can to make sure I get the milage in per week and honor the pace days, rest days, and days run in a row. For reference I'm going to use the Hal Higdon Novice 2 program.

Week 1 looks like this:
Monday     Tuesday     Wednesday     Thursday     Friday     Saturday     Sunday     Total
    rest             3mi          5mi pace           3mi            rest          8mi            cross       19mi


2. Report out on it. I probably won't post every day, but I will do my best to post once a week with an update on how well I'm staying on track.

3. Run a sub 4hr marathon. This one may not happen at the end of the 18 weeks. I haven't found a marathon that quite matches up There's a half thats pretty close so I may got for a sub 2hr half and use that to spring into a marathon within that month.

4. Get the courage to do another 50miler. I still want to get to at least one 100 miler in my life. To feel confident doing that I need to better my 50miler times. So I'd like to commit to signing up for a 50 miler by the end of this training.

I get inspired by reading about running. I just finished Peter Sagel's book "The Incomplete Book of Running". I'm going to start "What I Talk When I Talk About Running" by Haruki Murakami. I followed a lot of the Western States tracking this past weekend so I think I've got a good dose of inspiration.

So today is Day 1. The training program is 18 weeks. That's 126 days. I already messed up the schedule, today is a rest day, but I had time when I got home after work so I ran 3ish miles. I may look at switching rest days up.

How to make friends, influence people, and finish a 25mile race

Me hiding under the trail awning waiting for the race to start

Two weeks ago I ran the Quad Rock 25 mile race at Lory State Park in Fort Collinish. It's one of my favorite races, I think one of the races I've run the most since I started distance running, and a race that proves my point: if you can't win races at least make sure the race has a sweet finisher medal at the end. Quad Rock does not disappoint. Rather than a metal clangy thing that I'll wear once and then remove it and look at it each time I have to move as I place it into a different box to totally hang up later, they give you a sweet ass coffee mug that can double as a beer mug.

The weather was not ideal. It was reminiscent to the last time I ran this race although this time it was most definitely raining. So we were running in the rain while also running through the cloud that was raining on us. This is the plot of Inception 2.

Erin Bibeau photography got some great action shots!

Oddly enough, I think the interesting weather played a significant part in my finishing and not feeling horrible. My final time was 6:42:14. Not amazing, but I didn't want to die at the end. The race was so wet, that there were parts unrunnable, at least for most people, which slowed everything down. Maybe I could have shaved 10-15min off with dry trails, but the forced slowness likely contributed to my lack of pain. I'm used to being on my feet for long stretches, but not as great at being on my feet for long stretches going fast. I had to take it slow, which translated into not feeling as fatigued when I'm at my slowest; uphill. I was woefully undertrained for this race. Very few trail miles and very few consistent weeks of runs. On paper I should have crawled across the finish line, but here I am, all smiles and mud.

Coming through the last stretch of trail before getting my mug!

I'm not saying that my training should be mimicked. Having the experience of finishing long races, including this one, in the past mentally I knew I could finish. In distance running, physical training only goes so far. Mentally training your body to continue despite [fill in the blank] is the key to connecting it all through the last mile. It is also something that doesn't leave you as quickly as physical ability. I knew going in I wouldn't break a PR, or win my age bracket, and this time I was ok with that. I never once thought, I can't do this, I can't finish. That took years of hard miles and harder races to develop. That spark that makes me want to beat myself the next time I go out did get a little stronger.

Another significant part of my success comes down to three things: honeystinger, pickles etc, and PBR. I realized after my less than steller half marathons, that maybe I needed to revisit my fuel and calorie intake. I kept thinking "13.1 is so short I don't need to eat". False. Food is fuel and without fuel you putter around. I made a commitment to eat every 30min, with something more substantial at least every hour or as I got to aid stations. I stuck with Honey Stinger gummies while I was on the move and whatever I put in my mouth at the aid stations. This came out to be M&Ms, chips, pickles, cokes, bananas, and a quesadilla. I also celebrated the awesomeness of aid station volunteers, but drinking a small cup of PBR at mile 10. Definitely helped me get up the second big climb.

My next race is the North Fork 50k. Thanks to Wrong Way Ryan for getting me a free entry for being hands down the best aide station volunteer ever. I'm also not in the best training state for a 50k, but conquering Quad Rock give me the strength to know that I can physically get it done. And the chance of being covered, head to toe in mud, is highly unlikely. I think I have my fuel worked out more and keeping my body stocked with the energy I need to finish will be priority number one.

On a more feelings based note, while traveling for work this week, my coworker and were having general discussions about running and my upcoming race at North Fork. I was discussing my use of audio stimuli on road runs vs. trail runs (I do when I'm training miles on pavements, I never use it when I'm racing or running on trails). This brought up one of my joys of trail running and trail races; the people. You meet the best people when you're 4 hours into 32 miles and haven't seen an ice cube in what feels like days. Our discussion brought up a great memory I had a few years back running the North Fork 50k. In the stretch leading up to the last aide station before the finish, I ended up spending a lot of time with 2 women as we slowly made the climb up out of a gully. We were tired, almost 25miles into the race at this point. One of the woman was 70, she was worried about finishing within her goal time. Her goal time was important because her husband told her that if she couldn't finish this race within that time frame, she shouldn't (or couldn't) do a 100 miler she had planned on later that year. That got all of us focused on getting her to the finish so she could keep her goal alive. We talked about races, how running affects our partners and our social lives, how the other woman paced her friend while she was 7 months pregnant. We got to the last aide station and as she got her needs met and I sat down under the awning drinking the beer Wrong Way Ryan saved for me. I wished her well and told her I'd try to catch her on the way down. I did end up catching her about a mile before the finish and we finished that last leg together. As we rounded  the corner into the finish I told her to go for it and she sprinted ahead to her husband cheering. I'm not going to lie, while running tends to make all of us weirdly emotional, this time I really had to hold back tears because it was just so awesome.

I'm really looking forward to North Fork. My time goal, yes I'm taking a leap and putting one out there, is 7:30. Hopefully that includes some beer before the last downhill. It's going to be hot, it always is. I got a good run in today, sweating through about 9 miles in 90 degrees. No stomach cramps and an ice cold Coke when I finished. Here's to new friends, cold beer, and 32 miles of smiles!

Making Running Great Again

Oh hi, it's been awhile...

Basically this is how I've felt about running, races, and training in general going on almost 2 years:

Honestly I haven't really been running, I haven't been motivated to run, I haven't even been motivated to sign up for a race. I can probably list pages of excuses and some of them would be super good and convincing. Some could even pull on your heart strings a little or a lot. But that's not why I've dusted off the old blog.

It's almost too fitting that my last post was almost exactly 2 years ago. Showcasing a picture of me running Quad Rock in my unplanned telly-tubby outfit for the conditions. I looked back at some past posts and realized what a champion I was for getting out there and running despite [fill in the blank]. And here I sit, 2 years since I ran a marathon, a few months after some rather disappointing half marathons, and looking Quad Rock in the face.

I could dwell on why I didn't run seriously for so long, but that doesn't do much for me now.
I'd rather focus on motivation, what to do when you lose it, and my struggle to find it again.

It's not like one day you wake up a runner and the next day you wake up a couch potato. The opposite isn't true either. I don't remember when my motivation started to disappear because it wasn't a single event. It just became easier and easier each day to not run. Signing up for races is a big motivator and I could just as well say I didn't sign up for any races so it's hard to train when you're not training for anything. But in one case I actually signed up for a race, paid, and then didn't run it. Weeks went by where I promised myself I'd start next week, tomorrow, soon! Weeks went by and I didn't. I picked up some other outlets, signed up for more frisbee leagues, even loosely committed to a lifting/strength program I could do at home. I wasn't being lazy, I wasn't even getting that out of shape. But I was missing something, I knew it, I just didn't know how to get it back even though my running shoes (and there are a lot, for someone not running races I still managed to accumulate shoes) were sitting right there by the door.

In the past I've stressed finding a balance between running and life. Don't let it take over, but also don't let it be something so easily replaced. In the present, I've been consumed with the guilt of not doing this thing I supposedly love to do (and write about) and not sure how to over come it. As I work my way back into running I am digging deep for some motivation. It was so much easier 4 years ago! I've managed to get myself slowly back into a training schedule and race schedule and am proud to say that I've gotten out and bagged some miles more and more each week. It didn't happen over night. This post and this plan have been in draft form for about a year. I'd go on a run, think "I've got this again" and then give it up a few days later. I'm proud to say for almost 2 months now I've been getting after it and having a little bit of fun too.

So here's my guide to making running great again.

1. Forgive yourself

I gave myself permission to be ok with taking time off. With no qualifiers.

I am allowing myself to be ok with not running or racing for a big chunk of time because I just didn't. It was ok to tell my inner voice it was for this reason or that, but in the end it's ok and there's no more explanation, self reflection, or justification to others I need to make. I didn't race or run much, I did other things there were a lot of fun. Running, frisbee, happy hours; those are not activities to be weighed against each other. I didn't run for awhile and now I'm trying to again. Cool.

2. Go back to the basics

For me, it was Wait Wait Don't Tell Me. On some of the hardest days to get out and run, when my legs were tired or my eyes were heavy, I convinced myself that I deserved the treat of my favorite podcast. I was so behind too so I have a wealth of episodes to listen to. Yes, even the simpler pre-November 2016 time episodes. What once was my occasional crutch became my semi-permanent prosthetic. But it works, it gets me excited to at least get outside and put in some miles.

3. F*ck Expectations

I have no goal time for my race this weekend other than finishing. True, finishing comes with expectations - you do have to do it in a certain time. But I'm not going for a PR or anything. I know it will be hard, I'm so poorly trained for a hard hilly race that it will also be hard for the days following, but I know I can do it. I've tried to have this mentality as I've slogged through training runs. It hurts, it's hard, I'm slow, just keep going. But I'm running a 16 minute mile, so what? All that means is in 16 minutes you check off another mile. Do enough of them (5, 10, 15, 25) and you're done. I remember running Quad Rock one year and having forgot most of my running shit, including a watch. I think that was the year I ran my fastest because I didn't really expect much, I had no measure of whether I was meeting an expectation, I just went out and had fun.

4. Avoid Extremes

One thing I learned from my pendulum swing back to running is that it's hard to exist on the extremes. You can do it for awhile, years in fact, but it's not easy. I realized for a bit I was on the running extreme. You don't have to be winning races to get there. You just have to put yourself so much into something that you forget to remember to do it for the right reasons. And as pendulums work, if you swing far on one side it's super easy for the momentum to swing you pretty far to the other. I'm trying to be more mindful of avoid a zero sum game of activities. I don't have to do more of A to counter B. I go run sometimes, I go to happy hour sometimes, I play frisbee sometimes, I do all three sometimes. 

5. Suck it up Buttercup

It's so easy to think about how hard it is to go on a run. And most runners will tell you, the first 2-5 miles suck. Not the in the bigger picture. The totality of the run can be great. But taking the first couple steps, heck putting on stinky running clothes, can just seems really super hard most days, impossible others. Currently, I have to give myself a pep talk and admit to myself that I'm not going to feel great at the start. But I know that if I suck it up I usually feel great a few miles in and I always feel better that I did it after. Even when I've had a horrible run, where I felt sick the whole time, I never think to myself when I get home, I wish I hadn't done that.

So that's what I got. It's not a perfect list, it's not complete either. All I can say is, I'm trying. I'm putting myself back out there. I'm trying to get back to a time when running was great, there was a chicken in every pot, and American Democracy worked. I'm ok with one out of those three to start. 

There's always something, right?

There's always something...right?

I got a lot of compliments on my hoody.
Kircher said I looked like a Teletubby
Quad Rock 25 2016: 6hours 23min 21sec

When you prepare for a race, a tournament, a big event you always imagine perfection. How everything leading up to it goes just perfectly and you seamlessly float from waking up to kicking ass. In reality, at least in my reality, that never happens.

Looking back at races there's always something that puts a kink in my perfect armor. There was the year before the Salida Marathon when my whole life did a 180. There was the year at Quad Rock I left all of my race food and my watch at home. There was my first 50 miler when I managed to severely roll my ankle just a few weeks out from the race. There was this years Quad Rock when I neglected to bring any of my proper cold/wet running gear to the start.

There really is always something and I'm beginning to think that something is the new perfection. I begin to get worried if something hasn't gone wrong or isn't ideal before a race. When I forgot my food and watch before Quad Rock I ran my fastest race time on that course ever. When I rolled my ankle I finished my first 50 miler. When I forgot my proper running attire, I got more compliments on my "cool hoody" then every race I've ever run combined.

The Dashing Divas Dashed to finish the marathon.
Signs made by yours truly.

We all have a fear of something going into a big race, my friend Carissa lived hers out a few weeks ago at the Colfax Marathon. She was running the first leg of the relay, the race started at 6:00am, she woke up at 6:10am. By the miracle of her two legs and some help from an uber driver she got on the race course and managed to make up a ton of time. Basically shit happens, there's always something, and despite all of that we still go on, we still run, hopefully we still finish.

My lack of posting is not evidence of my lack of running. Since the 50 miler in December I've gotten out quite a bit. I had the Salida Marathon in March, Quad Rock in May, and tomorrow is the North Fork 50k. As I get ready for tomorrow I'm again reminded...it's always something right?

First off I'm moving. No not I will be moving or I am moved. I'm in the actual act of moving. Thankfully most of my stuff has made it to the new place, but up until yesterday most of my race gear was still at the old place. I honestly can't say for sure where everything is except I made it a point to keep my running shoes in my car since the last race. Partly so I wouldn't forget, mostly because they were really dirty.

Second, I need new contacts. Honestly I've needed new contacts for almost 2 years, but I didn't drag myself to the eye doctor for a new prescription until last December. It's now been a 2 month process trying to get 1-800contacts to send me my contacts. I was hoping for some before tomorrow, I'm on my last itchy and dry pair. No such luck, the earliest arrival date is now Monday.

Third, I'm doing this race almost 100% solo. I say almost because thankfully my buddy Ryan will be at my favorite aid station, hopefully with a beer (hopefully? who are we kidding when there's Kircher there's beer). But I'm driving there solo, running solo, finishing solo, and driving home solo. It's hard to not be a little bummed by that. Running is a solo sport, but so much of what I love is the joy of being with crazy runners going out on the trail from 4, 5, 6, sometimes 13 hours. It's in my nature to want to share this so I'm sad that I won't have a predetermined person to share it with at the finish line.*

Despite the above, I feel good about the race. I feel good about my training and my conditioning. I'm really excited to just go out and run. I'm hoping to get up a good recap following the race before I jump right into another one in two weeks; Grandma's marathon!

Here's hoping that again there's something and that something turns into a good finish tomorrow.

*before you go thinking woe is Emily she has no friends. Race timing, work logistics, and health issues have taken away my usual support suspects. They aren't ditching me, they are just humans with human things. It's always something right?

Journey to Endor

it was pretty damn beautiful out there

California came and went pretty quickly and before I knew it, Christmas - New Years - 2016. So much of the last few months have been consumed with this race I feel like I crammed in a fall/winter's worth of activities in one month. So 2016 is almost  is here. I had a pretty full plate, race wise, in 2015. All of it was capped off with the North Face Endurance Challenge 50 miler December 5.

Obviously I've been struggling writing this post since it is now more than a month post race. I could easily blame the hubbub of the holidays, which is partially true, or I could admit that this post, like this race, was difficult to finish. Running  any distance is a journey and rarely do journeys happen without a hitch or two. The longer the distance, the more chances for these bumps in the road to catch you. Trying to some up 13hours and 42minutes of running in one blog post isn't easy. We laughed, we cried, we talked about Portlandia, and I came to some truths about where I want to go next in my running career.

Waiting for the start!
Not Pictured, Donny cause he was in line for coffee

First and foremost, the race was amazing and my crew was out of this world. I couldn't have done this without Donny, Beth, and Carissa helping me out. We had such a blast the whole weekend there were many times when all the prep and running hardly felt like work. Kudos to all the friends we met out there and especially our hosts who provided me with such a comfy couch and bed to recover on. The race was very well organized, parking situation aside, and all of the aid stations crews went above and beyond making sure you had everything you needed, including a bit of conversation.

In the course description of this race they focus a lot on the "mysterious car wreck" which you run by twice on the trail. Seriously, they bring it up several times and make it sound like a pretty sweet part of the course. Coming from Colorado, it really just looks like any rusty old piece of mining equipment you can see on a 14er or in the middle of Downtown Breckenridge. What I can't believe is the race promoters focused so much on a car and not even one footnote caption on the fact that we ran through ENDOR!

No, not that we ran through forests that reminded you for Endor. We ran through  Endor, A large chunk of the back half of the course was through the Muir woods which is where George Lucas filmed the Ewok parts of Return of the Jedi.

According to Wookieepedia: By the time of the Galactic Civil War, the Ewoks had reached a level of civilization where they engaged in religious, artistic, medical and even political activities. Nevertheless, they still focused most of their energies on the daily provision of food.

What a great segue because I'm sure everyone is wondering, how's your stomach Emily?

Well it's great! I had almost zero food issues during the race and more importantly no major issues after the race. My post race success is largely due to Beth forcing me to "drink this", "eat that", "now drink this again". Front loading calories was huge because I wasn't very interested in eating later on in the race. I managed to get in a good 200 or so calories every hour and mixed it up between Raw Revolution Bars, Honeystinger Waffles and chews, and even a PB&J sandwich. Bringing pickles was also the best decision I've made so far in my 30s, they had NO pickles at any of the aid stations. Are pickles just a Colorado thing?

Now, over a month post race, I'm happy to report I have had no real digestion issues. I did notice a small lack of an appetite initially, but no where near what I felt like after the North Fork 50 in 2014. I could most definitely eat half a sandwich a week post race.

Overall I felt healthy internally and the real struggles came more from the physical difficulty of the race rather than me sabotaging myself.

Stinson Beach - we ran down to it then
back up with zero shark attacks 

The first 26 miles or so were great. I kept promising myself not to "be an asshole" and run conservatively. The challenge was the first half of the race was so runnable. It was hard not to blast through it even if I was trying to play it cool. I will not sit here and try to tell you that running uphill is the easiest part of trail running. It's not, but running downhill can be so much more painful than you can imagine. I first noticed the toll all the downhill running was taking on me as I came into the Mile 27ish aid station, where I would pick up Carissa for pacing. The trail went from flat/mellow rolling to a steep decline into Stinson
Beach.

The climb immediately after the 27 mile aid station was obviously concocted by Satan within the bowels of hell.

It was 3ish miles of this:

Honestly these stairs looked a lot taller in person and
lot more frequent in occurrence then this picture shows. 

Just stairs upon stairs. As an avid "Pro-Stair" person, never in my life have I wished more for an elevator. They just kept going and my legs just kept going and then my legs and I had to go down and suddenly the stairs going up didn't seem so bad.

The race was really rough for me from about Mile 40 until Mile 48.9. I tried to spend enough time at aid stations to get some food, but I knew if I stopped and sat down the likelihood of getting up again wasn't high. I tried my best to just keep moving forward and focused on Beth retelling me an episode of Portlandia and how the same thing happened to Donny when he tried to donate clothes to the thrift store in Crested Butte. The great thing is, despite all the pain I experienced the 9 miles, the thing I remember most about that stretch is the story about the thrift store* not the hurt in my legs or frustration in my head.

Beth and I at the finish, all I wanted to
do was sit down but I had to take this picture

I'm really excited to have finished this race. It was a lot more challenging terrain wise then I had
anticipated (Rocky Mountain Hubris). It was also a lot more beautiful than I could have pictured. The first half of the course is really fast and awesome. The only real disappointing part of the course was the section by the "famous wrecked car". It was beautiful running, overlooking the ocean, but it was also two way traffic on the most single-tracky parts of the course. The perks of being a faster runner were seen in that section since return traffic had the right of way. I got real good at balancing on the slope side of the trail.

As I finished the last few miles of this race I realized I still have a long way to go before attempting a 100 miler. With that in mind I chose not to enter the Leadville 100 lottery for 2016 and instead focus on improving my 50 mile running and give a go at a 100k.

I may make a return trip for this race. Whenever you have a less then amazing race performance there is always the drive to return to the scene of the crime and do better. I think I can give this course another shot now that I know what to expect trail and terrain wise.

Physical prowess aside, mental toughness is the biggest asset you can have when ultra running. The sheer desire to finish and finish under the cut-off can overcome some of the worst quad aches you can imagine. I knew I could do it, even when I felt the absolute worst, the concept of not finishing didn't take up much real estate in my brain. People usually say I'm crazy for doing this and that there is no way they could ever do a race that long. You totally can, if I can, you can. But you have to go into it knowing you can overcome all the stuff/hitches/roadblocks/demons that will most certainly try and root themselves in your brain. Training for this race I wrote about Doubt and how dangerous that thought can be. Knowing I have the mental toughness to not even let doubt in for 50 miles reminds me that I can do this again and I will.

*Bonus the thrift store rejects became that nights Rocky Horror Picture Show outfit if only I had a picture. 

Great Expectations

It is now under a week until the start of the North Face Endurance Challenge. In less than 4 days I'll be venturing out into Golden Gate National Recreation area for a short 50 mile jaunt in the woods. Cue: freakout.

Yes, I know I wrote a month ago how eerily calm I was. I also wrote that I would have the pre-race freakout and here it is.

Carissa (my pacer), me, and Denas just Denas prepping for the race!

A large part of freaking out, at least for me, is knowing that there really is nothing else you can do to
prepare for the race except get sleep and avoid injury. Looking at my checklist as long as I pack my running shoes I can stumble into California and figure it out until my foot crosses the finish line. Have more inspiring words ever been written?

My biggest goal for this race is to finish. Coupled with finishing is finishing healthy. I want to prove to myself that I can manage my body and nutrition for 50 miles and live to tell about it. The less time I spend huddled in the fetal position in my bed fighting off fever dreams post race the better. Here's how I'm going to do it:

Eat Smart

I have a huge bag full of Raw Revolution bars. But I know I cannot depend on one item to get me through the race so I am also bringing honey stinger waffles, other energy bars (TBD what is on sale at whole foods), electrolyte chews, various types of gels, sour patch kids, peanut butter cups, salmon jerky, nut thins. I am probably going to stash a tuna packet in my drop bags as well as pickles (duh). I'll also have nuun for my water bottle.

Drink Smart

I have forgone beer since Saturday night and plan to until Friday night. You're not supposed to mess with tradition and I always drink a beer the night before races and this one is no different. Thanks to Kircher, the accidental pedestrian, for instilling this important pre-race strategy in my head oh so long ago. Perhaps most importantly will be drinking smart after the race. Yes I will also drink a beer after the race, but what really killed me last time was failing to hydrate the next 24 hours post race. I am going to make sure I am not just drinking water, but drinking plenty of electrolytes.

The big test will be the Saturday after the race. Jill "drilltime" Fairchild and I are going to run a 5k. Yes, a week after running 50 miles I am going to run a 5k. Seriously though you guys, the shirts they give out for this 5k are so soft and comfortable it's worth it.

Despite what it sounds like, I am still hella nervous for this race. Last Saturday I was skinning up a mountain to ski it and all I could think was: next Saturday I'll be running on dirt in shorts for 50 miles. Mentally my brain is having a really hard time understanding that this race is happening. There's snow on the ground, the trails are covered, it's ski season not running season.

While my primary goal is to finish and finish healthy I do have some other goals for the race. I would like to finish in 13 hours. My last 50 miler took me 13 hours and 41 minutes (ish, I might have been 47 I don't recall). I think I can run it in 13. I'll have the aid of altitude and a kick ass pacing crew to get me there. Running smart will be key, unlike Colorado these trails will be very tempting to run the hell out of right off the bat so starting out at a smart pace will only help me in the long run. I remember Liz's only advice before my first 50; "don't be an asshole on the first hill". Wise words indeed.

As a final note regarding goals and hopes for this race the phrase "Great Expectations" comes to mind. So often we have expectations. Expectations that people will do a certain thing or react a certain way. Expectations that a race will go a certain way. We cannot force a race to be exactly what we want it to be the same way we can't force people to be what we want them to be. You can train, prepare, follow a plan, but in the end you just have to let it happen and take each step as it comes. I read recently; "we cannot remake the world to suit us". I cannot make a race be a certain thing I just have to take what I've done the past 6-7 months and go. Come 5am December 5th I'll be on my way.

If you want to track me while I run go here: Sign up for Runner Tracking

Shouting through an open window

As I'm one to do, I was listening to a podcast on a recent run. Due to some glitches with my itunes account and a slow reorganizing of my room I didn't have my normal WWDTM podcast to rely on so I switched to Radiolab for my quick run around Wash Park. Typically Radiolab, This American Life, and Risk are saved for longer runs when I really need the motivation to pound the pavement in my  now familiar neighborhood. It was one of their update podcasts so I assumed it would be shorter, perhaps with not much new material. I was wrong.

The recent podcast "Update: New Normal"from October 19, 2015 looked back at their podcast "Normalcy" from, I believe, 5 or 6 years ago. In the intro story Jad Abumrad brings up an antedote written in the New York Times by Martin Bunzel a philosphy professor. As an 18 year old, Mr. Bunzel over hears something on a plane in 1966 regarding race. He remarks that given the particular time period, 1966, the man who made the comment was in an interesting spot. Had he said it a few years earlier it would have been common place, had he said it a few years later it would have been intolerable. However the time he said it America was on the cusp of change, a grey area. Mr. Bunzel said it was as if the man was "shouting through an open window between worlds".

There are a lot of points in our lives where we feel we are between worlds. When you transition from high school to college, when you transition from college to the "real world", when you get married/divorced, etc. These are pretty big worlds to transition between and are a lot more obvious to chart and see. What's more nuanced are those smaller shifts in the world and in your life. These shifts may take a long time to recognize, if at all. You may be shouting between two worlds and not even realize it.

Spare me the groans for a moment, but the best comparison I can think of is dating. No not Tinder, Tinder is it's own potentially interesting blog post related to running at a later date. What it feels like is that grey area where you have a friend and a great friendship and everythings fine, but there's maybe a possibility for a new type of relationship with that person. You can sense that things will change with this person but you don't know how. Will our story be the next big Hollywood RomCom or will we be a cringe worthy memory? I'm not talking about the actual shift, when that change happens. That's usually a pretty obvious time marker. What I'm talking about are those moments before that shift that actions and reactions (the shouts) that signify what everyone hates: the grey area. An innocent text here, a chance meeting of just the two of you there. A few years prior it may have meant nothing and in a few years after it might mean lot more but for now that "hi (and emoji?)" is a shout through an open window between two worlds.

Harvest Moon 2015 Champs!

I'm feeling that way about ultimate frisbee and running right now. I'm super excited about my upcoming race (and slightly terrified). I also got super excited about ultimate this past season with women's masters and RUA. Now, coming off the high of a big Harvest Moon Championship (Christmas Town!) and the thought of "what am I going to do December 6th?"

My current friendship with ultimate and running has been figuring out how to do both (logistically and physically). I love how things are right now but I can sense a shift coming. We've been making due with some tweaks here and there but it's been working for the most part. A few years ago I thought I made that leap when I quit competitive women's frisbee and started setting my sights on ultra running. And up until this year I would have thought my shout was the Molly Brown end of season party and my "roast" to Lauren Boyle. I snuck in a little line in my poem to her about running and that was it...ultimate and I were more just friends and ultra running and I were going to fall in love.

I've grown a lot as a runner since then. Conquering my first 50 miler was a big piece of that, but so was learning a new way to train and prepare my body for this type of work. I came off this summer healthy and relatively unscathed. I signed up for a 50 miler in December and began setting my sights for 2016 and a possible push for a 100 miler.

I've also grown a lot as an ultimate frisbee player. There was Master's Nationals with Jezebel. A semi-finals appearance was awesome but more exciting were the awesome ladies and the laid back fun of playing ultimate for just that reason; fun with friends. There was MHU league with Shiny Happy People and Part Time Models. There was RUA and regionals. At the end of regionals this year, sitting in a circle with my team, all I could think about was how much fun I had playing and how much more I felt like I grew into myself as a player this year. The timid, always worried about making a mistake women's player got out of my head and the ultimate player started to take control. I felt a passion for a sport that wasn't out of fear of failure for the first time in a long time.  

The interesting part about the New York Times story is that shift, that shout between two worlds, was only really identifiable when that shout reaches the new world and you're in it. I don't know if that new world will be all ultimate or all running or a new hybrid of both or even neither. The ground is shifting beneath my feet.

Dream Weaver

I had my first race dream last night.

Let me back up...

I haven't been neglecting running or training, just neglecting writing about it. I ran the Denver Rock and Roll Marathon without so much as a peep and did an epic training run with Carissa with nothing more than an Instagram post. I've had a lot in my head to write, but it's all just been stuck there. Perhaps that is why I had my first race dream last night, these thoughts have got to escape somehow.

I typically have a race dream either the night before or the night before the night before a big race. The night before type dreams usually involve me sleeping in and missing the start of a race. I occasionally have a random dream running Grandma's marathon way faster than I would run it and suddenly being unable to run near the end of the race and trying to run backwards to break through the molasses surrounding my legs. Both high anxiety dreams that either happen right before a big race or randomly unrelated to the specific race I'm training for.

This dream was different.

The North Face Endurance 50 miler in San Francisco is fast approaching. The race has come up a lot in conversations so it's not a surprise to me that it's on my mind. But my dream last night caught me off guard because I rarely have a dream about a specific race, this far before said race, and without something stressful happening related to the race. Nothing in my dream caused me anxiety. I wasn't rushing because I missed the start, I wasn't mid race with molasses legs. I was in San Francisco, driving on and around the race course, and realizing that I would be running it soon and getting really excited about it.

[there was a slightly less believable part in the dream where we were driving and took a corner too fast and instead of falling into a valley we all leaned uphill and the car somehow righted itself]*

I try not to read too much into dreams because dreams are your minds way of sorting out all the experiences/thoughts from that day. However, this dream did remind me that it's about damn time I write a bit about running or it will start consuming not just my waking hours but my sleeping hours.

The North Face Endurance 50 miler is exactly a month from today. I am averaging 30 - 40 miles a week with some 50ish weeks mixed in. I'm honing in more on the purpose behind the structure of my training program and beginning to get the method to the madness. Plane tickets are purchased and lodging is more or less figured out. Donald Rogelstein has the car rented and all that is really left for me to do now is finish off these next 30 days healthy and strong. Going into this last month I feel the most prepared for a race that I've been in a long time. I feel a lot more prepared than my last 50 miler.

I'm still anticipating the usual "Oh no I slept through the start" dream in a few weeks which is why I have a crew of 4 people to back me up. Until then I'm going to enjoy my physics defying dreams on the trail.

*I do not advise attempting this method IRL, best to just take curves at reasonable speeds.

Doubt

One of my favorite Avett Brother's songs is Head Full of Doubt/Road Full of promises. It came to mind over the last two weeks on training runs. Doubt is a sneaky feeling. It never comes out in full force right away, it slowly seeps into your thoughts and waits until you acknowledge it and say the words; "I don't know if I can..." Then it feeds off of anything it can to plant itself firmly in your psyche.

The full force of running another 50 miler hit me as I ran around Cheesman Park two weeks ago. Although the race is a full three months away, as my legs moved at a sluggish pace, I started to doubt if I could take on a 50 miler again and finish. As soon as I let my brain wander towards doubt, the doubt monster started feeding on every fleeting thought that came bustling in: do you have time to train, what about food, what about pacers, what if it rains....what if you can't finish?

What if I can't finish?

What if I don't finish?

I've tried to be realistic about my abilities as a runner. I'm not fast, but I know my pace. What I lack in speed I make up for in knowing I can keep going despite the pain of an empty tank. The thought of not being able to finish something is a thought I ban from my memory. Doubt, like an ex-boyfriend who lives in your brain, needs a wall built around it. It's there you just hope that the wall is tall and sturdy enough to keep it contained. I let myself creep over that wall over the last two weeks and it's been a struggle not letting that doubt climb out.

I can't take back the doubt I had/have about not being able to do this race. I thought it, I can't unthink it, so that's what I have to deal with. A healthy dose of humility is not a bad thing. Fully accepting and embracing the difficulty of a race, event, task is a great motivator to do the work early on to be successful later. There's no 10 week couch to 50 miler program out there. If there was I would be highly skeptical. While the fear of a bad race is a good motivator at time, I felt the doubt start affecting my training runs and I knew I had to do something to turn that around.

First and foremost, I needed to get off the road. Road running isn't bad. I enjoy it from time to time. I indulge in lots of road races and Denver's mostly mild winter means I can run outside a good portion of the year. However, I suspected part of the doubt crept in because I haven't been doing any trail running. Even in Wisconsin I ran on the road. Sure it was around lakes with tall trees shading me, but it was still on pavement. Too much time to think about being too slow. Too much time to think about not running on the terrain the race will be on. Too much time to come up with reasons why I won't be successful.

My friend Tom and I took a Tuesday night and ran out at Apex Park. I was reminded how hard running uphill is when you've been neglecting it, but all that faded away as I darted through the Aspens and powered up the little climbs on Enchanted Forrest to be rewarded with fun rocks and root dodging on the downhills. This past weekend I was up in the Mountains and got to hop on a trail in Summit County and get some altitude training in. Not that I need altitude training for the 50 miler (the highest elevation we get to is 1890ft), but I needed to do something tough and finish it. I needed a success, to triumph over a run, shove any doubt in a sack and toss it aside. It felt good to be out and I needed a reminder why I love trails.

Doubt also reminded me I need to be more proactive about training. I recently took on an additional
contract research job which eats into my nights and even lunch time runs. I can't be quite so loose about when/where I run over the next few months because my "loose" time is limited. That's not a bad thing. It's just a time management thing I haven't had to be quite as strict about the last few months. Happy hours will suffer, but the lack of happy hours now will hopefully translate into Happier Hours on a trail December 5th.

I really wanted to write this post to help ease my mind about the fears I have going forward. Reading old posts I sound pretty darn optimistic about things and felt it was about time I admit that I'm not always 100% confident heading into races and life in general. Truthfully, my mind is not always Taylor Swift songs as I run. I think about why I run, if I'm having fun, if all of this is worth it to me. Right now the answer to the last question is still yes. As long as that is a yes then I'll keep fighting off doubt and lacing up my shoes. I'm still nervous about the race, but I'm excited for  my training leading up to it. I'm so fortunate that I am able to do these crazy feats of athleticism and I'll get to the finish line one day at a time. California, here I come.  

Do or do not, there is no try

Hopefully I"ll be drinking some
Firestone Walker beer post race!

It appears my quiet little Facebook Post wasn't obvious enough. I'm assuming this because I have yet
to receive a call/text from my mom about it which will surely change after this post. Let's cut to the chase, the suspense is killing me....I signed up for another 50 miler! Yep the seed was planted a few weeks ago at Bull and Bush and it germinated on Saturday as I made my first venture out on a trail run post 50k. By Monday I had convinced myself it was a good idea and by Tuesday afternoon I was entering in my credit card info and shirt size. Here are the details:

The North Face Endurance Challenge

Where: Golden Gate National Recreation Area San Francisco, CA
Length: duh..50 miles
Date: December 5, 2015

A couple big things stand out for me regarding this race. First of all, I've never done a long race (or really any race) in the fall. I tend to cram all of my running in to the spring/early summer. Because of that schedule most of my training begins in the fall and ramps up in the early spring. In the past this was largely due to the Ultimate frisbee season and needing to be sprint/frisbee focused May - October. With the series getting pushed earlier each year and my gradual fade away from competitive ultimate the fall is becoming more and more enticing for races. Also the thought of running long distance in September/October sounds so much more refreshing than June/July. I'm not used to logging a lot of miles in the summer and that's about to change quickly. I did a quick draft training plan and looks like it starts for real on Monday!

I'm planning on putting in a bit more effort with longer runs this go around. Especially working on nutrition for longer runs. While I feel successful with my food intake as of late, one good 50k isn't going to make me forget one not so good 50 miler. I really need to test out a lot of different food combos on longer runs and the only way to do that is to...test out a lot of different food combos on longer runs. I've got a couple training races I'm eyeing to help with this; the Black Squirrel Half and/or the Blue Sky Marathon in Fort Collins. I'm also trying to coordinate a 30ish mile run over Kenosha Pass into Breck with my bud Carissa.

Second standout for me is location. In looking at my running history, I've only really run races on trails I'm familiar with. Almost every race I've done I either trained or did a shorter race on the same trails. The two exceptions being Sage Burner 50k and the first time I did Quad Rock. Salida I ran the half prior to the marathon and I ran so much of the North Fork course prior to the 50 miler almost nothing was a surprise. Here I'm not only running on unfamiliar trails, but in a completely different state, at a different elevation, and a course profile much different than the mountains of Colorado.

In addition to a new terrain, I'm out of my comfort zone for support. North Fork was 40 miles outside of Denver. My lovely crew was able to load me in to a car, into a shower, and into bed without having to negotiate much else. California means a hotel or some other sort of lodging and a plane ride (+airport security). Oh yes, and a crew...40 miles is much different than a plane ride away. I checked in with some friends and got enough potential interest that I felt comfortable pulling the trigger and signing up for the race. True, convincing people to come to California in December isn't hard. However, it's not all fun and games since I need people to help support/pace/reassemble body parts at the airport. So if you are thinking it's a vacation, you've got to reevaluate.

All in all this is going to be a challenge and I'm excited for it. I'm excited to tackle another 50 miler and do it on what will be a beautiful course. I've been all talk the last few weeks about races so I'm glad I made the commitment and put a race on the calendar. Do or do not, there is no try.

You do You

Red, White, and Blue

I'm still alive. I survived the North Fork 50k (what a difference 18 fewer miles makes) and I'm feeling good. I'm eating food, drinking beer, playing frisbee; a true American Success Story.

In all honestly the 32 miles flew by. I felt like aid stations showed up much quicker than anticipated and my smile never really left my face. The 50k portion of the 50 mile course went so much better for me that every step felt exponentially better than a year ago.

I had the usual moments of tiredness, soreness, stomach upsetedness - that's to be expected on long races. I honestly felt like I was better equipped to handle these and let myself feel the feelings and move on. Speaking of feelings; what is it about races that make you feel all the feelings. ALL THE FEELINGS. Especially odd is the overwhelming feeling of my feelings leaking out from my eyes. I'm not sad either. It's more like I feel so much stuff that my body decides to just let some of it leak out through my eyes.

One mantra that I kept on a loop in my head (when it wasn't Taylor Swift) was You Do You. I wanted to keep reminding myself that the race was about me running a good race; not about beating someone up a climb or at an aid station. Nothing reminded me of that more than when I ran into Sandals. I named this guy Sandals because he was wearing sandals. He was also carrying absolutely no water. I get the sandal thing, once Born to Run came out a lot of people jumped on that bandwagon, but no water? Personally I like my shoes and have no interest in barefoot running. I kick a lot of roots and rocks on accident and my toes already hate me from ultimate cleats I don't need to aggravate the situation. Initially I was annoyed that Sandals was ahead of me. But then I thought, who cares. He's doing his thing, I hope he finishes, let me just do me. He did finish, after a wrong turn at some point near the end. I passed him on the last climb and I'm guessing he regretted not having water on this hot, sweltering, course. I did offer him some of mine when I passed him and he refused.

Where's my sponsorship BLL?

I met some amazing people during the race who also helped keep You Do You in my head. In the middle of the race I ran with two lovely ladies named Randy and Claire. It was Claire's first ultra and Randy was a 70+ badass woman who has many ultras to her name. The three of us trudged up the hill on Tramway to the Shingemill Aid Station and joked that there was no way the high today was "low 70's". I ended up losing Claire at the last aid station (more on that later), but I ran with Randy for awhile after she had some hamstring/quad issues. We talked about running and her worry that her husband (an young 76) would try and convince her not to do a back packing trip if she didn't finish this race with a good time. Randy and I hung out at the final aid station for a bit and she took off while I continued to goof around. I caught her in the last mile and we ran into the finish together.

I drank some weird beer. I know, past stomach issues + weird beer = disaster. Quite the opposite. Turns out past stomach issues + Bud Light Lime + tequila shot + weird beer = a really fun and slightly tipsy 3ish miles to the finish. No I wouldn't say that you should make it a habit of running ultra marathons while drinking (or drunk). I only managed about half of that BLL. Ryan did give me a shot of tequila mixed with lime juice which I drank. I also tried some Cucumber/Mint/Kale Sour beer from ODD13 brewing. That beer...you do you...I don't think I'll drink it again. Out of everything I consumed that day the only thing I really remember burping is that beer the first mile out of that aid station. Oof... Food wise I made the great decision to start eating a lot early on. Not a lot at one time, but I started taking in calories from the get go. I think that made a big difference for the latter part of the race. I had some nausea around mile 18 - 22 and was able to kick it by the time I got to the Buff Creek Aid station. I think my nausea was due to too much coke. Having a good caloric base for my body to feed on helped tremendously at the end of the race.

Overall I'm really pleased with my race. I was hoping for under 7hrs. I knew I wouldn't make that cut off once I got to the last pass through at the Buff Creek aid station, so I just decided to have fun. I could have pushed it and made it pretty close to 7 hours, instead I hung out with Ryan and his awesome aid station crew for 20ish minutes and finished 7:34. Being in such a different place, mentally and physically, from the year before was the highlight for me. Being able to run the entire last section of the race was awesome and coming into the finish with a lot of cheering people made my day! I can't gush enough about how great this race is, how great of a job Janice does organizing, and how awesome all the volunteers are. They even had pickles at all the aid stations! (Side note, frozen pickles loose their structural integrity).

I'm gearing up for something this fall, not sure what the race will be but I'm shooting for a 50. I think it's about time I take on that beast again.

NorthFork 50k

It's hard to believe the NorthFork 50k is on Saturday. In years past I would probably be in full on freak out mode right now but leading up to this race I've been eerily calm and confident. When people ask how long a certain race is or how long I went on a training run I always feel like I have to "qualify" it if I'm not doing the longer race or run. How far is your race this weekend "It's just a 50k". yes I realize how silly saying "it's just" sounds when it's a 50k. Perhaps, going back to a previous post, I am still at a point where I have difficulty celebrating myself.

I've been in this position before, a week before a race, but this time I know what to expect for the most part. I know there will be moments of pain, moments of joy, moments of doubt and moments of confidence. I know all the trails, I know all the climbs, I know it gets hot out in the burn area and that there will likely be a thunderstorm at some point in the day. I also know I can finish, all I don't know is how I'll feel getting to the finish.

One of my biggest goals for this race is to conquer the food demons that plagued me a year ago in the 50 miler. While I won't be pushing myself to the same limit as I did then; 50k is still ample opportunity to have some major nutrition disasters and I want to mitigate that as much as I can. I ordered a big box of Raw Revolution bars and am planning on cutting them up like gummies and eating them along the race course. I've already got a few pickles in reserve that I am going to put in my drop bag at the Buffalo Creek aid station (we pass through it twice on for the 50k). Here's what my nutrition plan is looking like:

Stuff to carry while running:

• raw revolution bars
• sour patch kids
• gels (just in case of emergency)
• honey stinger or GU gummies (whatever is cheapest)
• nuun
• salt pills

Stuff to put in my drop bag:

• sour patch kids
• pickles
• protein (either hummus or tempeh wrapped in a cabbage leaf)
• nuun
• peanut butter cups
• honey stinger waffles

The aid stations have a lot of other items to supplement what I'm carrying (chips, M&Ms, sandwiches, ice, etc). I decided against doing the enduralite powder I used last year. That did not sit well with me and I haven't been training with it. I have been using nuun (both running and ultimate) and it's felt really good tummy wise. I learned my lesson with the pickle shortage last year and I'm sure they will taste awesome at mile 24.3. 

The weather is shaping up to be nice. Highs in the 70s, chance of an afternoon thunderstorm, but not to bad. I'm sure it will still feel hot but 70s is a lot better than 90s, especially when there's shade!

Other than nutrition, I do have a time goal for this race. My first 50k, Sageburner, was a tough one. I came in at 7 hours and 15 mine. I think I can get under 7 hours this go around. I have to figure out what that means splitwise during aid stations, but I think I can do it. I've run these trails so many times and I've got some good hard trail runs under my belt leading up to this. My achilles is feeling ready so all that's left is to lace up the shoes and go. 

I know some people (cough cough...mom...cough cough) are worried about me. My 50 mile experience does not inspire a lot of confidence. The Vegas odds might be in favor of me exploding on Saturday. To rest my critics, and the voices in my head, I feel a lot better prepared this time around. Not just because it's not 50 miles, 50k is not something to take lightly, I feel like I learned a lot from last year and have put in a lot of time figuring out how to run smarter and how to take care of my body better. There will be tough points, pain, discomfort, uneasiness. But that's all part of ultra running. I already requested a beer from Ryan at his aid station and hope to drink more than 1/4 of it! All that aside, I am going to listen to my body, make sure I'm eating, drinking, electrolyting and hopefully that translates in to a good race and a good week after the race. LFG  

To the fella over there with the hella good hair...

Quad Rock 2015 in the books. And to answer Jessi and anyone else who's asked recently what I think about when I run; I apparently think about Taylor Swift songs on repeat in my head.

What a difference a month makes! Despite the race starting at 5:30am the heat was already a factor early on in the race. Great training for North Fork, but oof, I'm not used to such high heat for this race. I swear the "shady" areas I remember from last year turned out not so shady this time around. How I missed May and it's cloud cover. Again, I did not envy the 50 milers I saw slogging their way back up the course, except for Ryan, he strolls along chatty and happy as always as if he didn't have another 20 miles to run.

First and foremost, I finished. Albeit not as pretty as I would have liked. No, no stitches this year. I had a couple "oh shit" almost falls but managed to save it before body connected to rock (I did sort of bounce off a tree at one point, much to the amusement of the person behind me). My achilles held up for most of the race but had a temper tantrum about 2 miles shy of the finish. I rolled in, sneaking by the Catt cheer squad, but sort of awkwardly running trying not to put any weight/pressure on the ball of my foot. Yes I know, not running and resting would have been better. Despite that I do feel 100% ready for the North Fork 50k, I don't think I'd have that feeling if it wasn't for this race.

I'm really happy with my uphill work. I focused a lot on strong uphill running/walking and kept really great form for most of the race. This is probably the first time I've run Quad Rock not hating myself halfway through one of the big climbs. I actually felt strong after each climb. I ran the first down hill pretty hard and then committed to taking it a bit slower for the rest to make sure I wasn't killing my body. All in all it was a really great race. I'm not happy about my achilles, but "thems are the shakes" as they say and all I can do is ice and rest as I get ready for North Fork.

Catt and I relaxing in Jessi Witt's
back yard post race with
Lory State Park in the background.

Catt really killed it this race. We had a great discussion about nutrition and bonking. I was skeptical about his fueling for the race. He's decided to eat V's (his 16 month old son) mushed up baby food pouches. To his credit they sounded sort of delicious and savory, none of the sickly sweet Gu combinations. My concern for him was the three pouches combined only had about 180 calories total (versus one of my bars that had 180 on its own). He did supplement with Vfuel gel which didn't make his stomach feel good but probably helped give him the calories he needed.

I want to acknowledge again why I choose to run despite being injured. In running, and ultra running, there's a fine line between pushing your body past being comfortable and doing serious damage. I wholeheartedly admit that runners often get this wrong. We are usually the first to tell someone else to rest and rehab and the last to actually do it for ourselves. Becca Hall (an amazing runner and winner for the Bucket Hat division at Quad Rock) posted a great article recently from outdoor magazine called Running on Empty. It looks at a condition called Over Training Syndrome (OTS). It has made me think more about the choices I make running, when to run, when to rest, etc. I am proud of myself that despite my stubbornness, I did not put on cleats and play frisbee Monday or Tuesday. It is really hard to take time off when all you want to do is train more and get better, but it's a lot better in the long run and I know this. I choose to run Quad Rock because I knew that not running it would have resulted in me making worse decisions the next two weeks feeling like I needed to get ready for North Fork. The lesser of two evils I suppose.

Final Results: 6:08:39, 127/197 and 39 overall for women. They only had 3.2 beer at the finish so Catt and I hydrated with that and then got real beer on the way home.

Achilles Heel (Quad Rock Take Two)

Achilles heel is a deadly weakness in spite of overall strength. I'm not the fastest runner, but I'm very determined. Sometimes my determination gets in the way of good judgment. Read on...

So if you've been anxiously awaiting a recap of Quad Rock you'll have to wait longer. The race was postponed due to the insane amounts of rain we got in Colorado in May. For the integrity of the trails they canceled the race and rescheduled it for June 14th.

As much as I try to be flexible and not worry too much about planning every detail, I really hate when things get out of sync with my plan. When I go on a run I like to know exactly how far I'm going, or at least close to it. When I am planning for a race I want to have most of my big training runs planned out. It's awesome to be able to incorporate a race as a long training run because you get to practice being in "race mode" and you get a fully aided training run. So Quad Rock was perfect, it was just over a month before the North Fork 50k so I could get in a good long training run in race mode.

Well now it's this weekend, just 2 weeks before North Fork. Not ideal for a race, but not too bad for an aided training run. I had already resigned myself to treating it as a training run and not a race. Meaning no time goals, just focusing on time on my feet running trails. It was tough for me to accept this. Every year I've run Quad Rock I've shaved huge amounts off my finish times. It was exciting to think I could continue with this pattern. But alas, that's not in the cards for me so my goal for Quad Rock is to survive without any gashes on my limbs.

To add another little wrench into the plan, because why not, I am also coming in to this race a bit injured. Perhaps the universe is telling me something or maybe I'm just clumsy, but this is the second year I've hurt myself 3 weeks before North Fork playing frisbee. I thought I was doing it right, not playing a tournament, not practicing, just playing good ol'league. It's no one's fault that I got hurt, but if we did want to point fingers I would probably point them at a certain person who shall remain nameless who pump faked instead of throwing it to my wide open cut in the endzone. Long story short I thought I ruined my knee. Flashes of similar movements from teammates that resulted in ACL tears flashed through my mind. Coupled with a sharp crunch feeling with pain in my knee and I thought my summer was over in an instant.

Thankfully my knee, and as far as I know all tendons and ligaments, are intact. After the fear of an ACL tear subsided and I was able to bend and extend my knee without trouble and walk on it the next day without pain. I did however do something to my Achilles tendon. (My googling and talk with a PT friend leads me to believe it's Achilles tendinitis). This is largely a symptom of a nagging injury I've had for awhile so I can't really blame anyone for this. The abrupt cut and plant on my leg just brought it all to head. A smart person would not run this weekend. A certain smart person weighed the pros and cons and decided to run this weekend and she's going to be super careful.

My achilles heel may be my determination to push through things despite the risks. I was determined to play frisbee league even though firsbee is probably the worst thing to do along side distance running. I was determined to keep running long distances throughout May with the constant rain driving me to put in a lot of long pavement miles on shoes that really need to be replaced. And I'm determined to run the North Fork 50k.

Here's why I'm choosing to run this weekend. I am running the North Fork 50k. Unless one of my legs gets chopped off and I don't have time to get a replacement leg I'm running this thing. Right now that's my last big race until the fall and it's the one I've been focused on since I didn't get in to Leadville. I see my choices as the following:

1. Run Quad Rock, rest/taper the next two weeks, Run North Fork
2. Skip Quad Rock, rest/taper the next two weeks plus 5 days, Run North Fork
3. Skip Quad Rock and North Fork and be sad :(

The only real choice is between one and two and here's why I'm choosing option one. For now the pain is manageable and is actually better when I'm moving versus not moving. The thought of not running at all from today to North Fork is just not something I think I can do and feel ok about North Fork. I would much rather get in a long fast "hike" this weekend and then let myself rest a bit over doing nothing at all. I feel like I can do a better, more successful, job at resting if I do Quad Rock. If I don't do Quad Rock I will be tempted to do things like play frisbee and run on pavement which are two things that I should most definitely not do if I want to heal myself.

I know there are a lot of people shaking their heads at me. Just know that I understand the risks and if I were on the other side I would probably be trying to convince this person to just take the rest of the month off and heal. But my achilles heel is my determination(stubborness) and it may lead to my downfall or it may just be an Achilles Heel that will heal.

Injuries aside, it's supposed to be beautiful up in Fort Collins this weekend and it should be a really awesome race! I'm excited to continue working on my nutrition and power walking up hill and am hoping there's a PBR waiting for me at at least one of the aid stations!